9:07 a.m. - 2022-11-23
Pre Thanksgiving Ponderings
It’s been quite some time since recorded anything here. So much has happened!
Last January, after a crazy run of spending, I met a beautiful stranger.
I stumbled on Ryan quite by accident. I was into recording for TikTok, showing different setups for car camping or vanlife. I saw this double cab truck and just had to see what the setup was!
Ryan and I ended up hanging out together for a few weeks. He taught me a lot about eating better, appreciating life, and pointed me towardI some much needed changes.
Around mid February I completely gave up weed. I had one relapse on March 5, 2022 but then I was done. I sank into a two week depressed period when I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Anhedonia, they call it. After that I began to settle into a peaceful existence and rebuilt my life.
Staying sober has been very easy. I realized that my anxiety was more fueled by the pot than helped. I no longer have to feel fear when a police car pulls alongside me. I don’t have to worry about being “too much” for my friends and family. I’ve re-learned joy through simplicity. I would have to say I’m nearly as content as I was when I was raising my family and felt all that warmth and closeness. I’ve created a safe space that nurtures me.
This morning I’m getting ready to rise and make Turkey neck gravy! I saw it on TikTok and it looks delicious but definitely a labor of love! I’m sipping my coffee with the Cannoli Vanilla Creme Latte creamer. Listening to jazz accompanying a cozy fireplace screensaver.
How did I get to 64 so fast???? It’s been a long road of struggle but it’s flown! It feels so good to be happy in this late season in life! I still have plenty of adventure in me and I won’t stop going until I have to. I’m flying to Wisconsin in two weeks for a chilly visit. I’ll be taking my camping trip in May after the Drum circle. Life is good!
It’s going to be a small gathering for Thanksgiving just Zach and Brit, Caden, and me. I don’t even know how to cook for such a small group but leftovers are good!
The only really difficult part of life today is the growing number of hate crimes and killings. I just saw another, a Walmart shooting on the news. I ache for my grandchildren. I can’t imagine where things are going in this world. That’s when I feel really old, when I say things like that. But I am old enough to remember a much much simpler time, and I sure miss it.
