2:52 p.m. - 2015-04-26
Palms and Priorities
Oh my God. What a difference a few miles can make. Hmmmm that could also be a fitting metaphor of my life.
I was a virtual prisoner in my 500 square foot apartment and thankfully motivated enough to go for a drive on this unpredictable weather sort of day. Now instead of being slightly depressed and cooped up inside I'm looking out over a marsh and I'm seeing palms and butterflies and water and all things soothing to me. It feels nice.
I don't know what I expected life to be at 56 but I'm sure it wasn't this. And I'm unsure if it would be better or worse but it would be different.
I'm feeling a bit like Rip Van Winkle. Like I woke up and was caught completely off guard by where I was. Retirement was always just a thing that would happen and since I have a good job it would all be OK in that very distant future that was of no concern NOW. Planning? Ha! I laugh in the face of planning, instead enjoying life in the moment and spending all I made plus some.
I would just be WITH someone. Who would either help or provide. That's always how it had been!
And now I'm doing some fancy footwork since the scales fell from my eyes. Spending less. Giving more thought to how I want the next chapter to play out. I've got about 3 more years to work for sure. Hopefully no more.
I'm an adventurer. I'm going to hate myself if I don't do the RV thing. Strike out alone...drive to all the places I want to see. But I have to make it fuel efficient. I saw something that excites me. A small sleeping unit you can pull behind a bicycle. 88 pounds. How cool would it be to do that? It would be rigorous and I'm sure negative at times but ohhhh the adventure. The stories. I'd be in great condition. And so many places just in Florida I'd love to see. Stay at state parks cost would be so minimal. But dangerous. This idea still excites me.
Two of my children are at odds. My son is struggling with finding a decent job after college. My mother gets along pretty well but it won't always be that way. Work gets more achy and tiring if physical. But overtime is giving me opportunities I need. Oh and I've been putting off two medical tests I need.
Rip wants to go back in the cave.
On the positive side though I do make good money have good benefits. My tiny gated studio with it's lush views 5 minutes from work for $525 a month.
I spent time yesterday with 8 dearly loved family members in five different settings. I'm sitting in one of the country's most beautiful settings. It really is all about perspective. I'm just emotional and it's a lot right now. I'm a hot mess. Everything points to me being alone more and secure with that. So I will be. Family feels so good again. Life is fleeting.....
