8:54 p.m. - 2014-01-09
Stupid Hodgepodge
Here I am again. It was a pleasant day as the rain prevented customers from coming...lol I got some of the many other duties that are assigned to me accomplished so it was a good day. And I left early. Always a plus.
Bought two pairs jeans. Talbots 8 YES 8!!!! The dream is finally becoming a reality. But the inside needs as much work as the outside.
I was perusing my Kindle Library and began to feel like a sad sack. All sorts of relationship books, self improvement books. I just need to be me. Breathe and be me. The rest will fall into place.
Danced quite a bit, exercising intermittently. Not much cleaning. Just enjoying some dance music and wasting time in the black hole here. Maybe a movie later. I'm trying to find my alone fit. I feel like Bridget Jones.
I have a date on Saturday. I am not super excited about it after my first two experiences. But this guy seems kind enough and like me has lost quite a bit of weight in the last year. He's only home every other weekend (which COULD mean married?) drives a truck. Not what I would have ordered but I am trying not to make judgments until we have met face to face. It's a lunch date at a nice little place on the river. If the weather is nice, it will be a great place to get to know someone. We will see.
I know I'm running headlong into territory I should not be so soon. But the hurting part of me says the sooner I get a "distraction" the sooner the pain of not having ANY contact with Bill will lessen. It's better already. I try really hard when I start thinking that I'd love to see him again, to remember all the screwed up things about him. NO, that's unfair. All the UNIQUE things about him. To him they were normal. To most of the rest of the world he is IN another world. I still wonder why I was in so deeply. I think Cindy was right. I do like a challenge. If he had been the very same person and had been smothering me....I never would have been interested. Hmmmm isn't that exactly what I did? lol But it's all good. I would have withered away with him. My love tank would not have been happy with just mothering him. So I move on. Minute by minute....hour by hour And I'm doing ok.
