10:02 p.m. - 2013-10-30
More Aspie Tales My Aspergers Boyfriend.
I've had a near perfect night tonight, through the pain of a breakup. Last night, after I found that Bill, who has not touched me without direction for a good 7 months, spent two hours perusing porn yesterday after telling me that he was busy and only wanted to catch a little more sleep after I left. I felt cheated and just over the whole thing. I can't compete with Vintage Kodachrome of before surgery perfect bodies. I don't have any desire to even try. So that was my out.
I knew it would never be forever. After professing at therapy that he "Wanted this relationship and needed to find out what my needs were and meet them" and later said he wanted to take it to the next level...he must have meant for the next level to be a death knell. I confronted him, he was embarassed and once again his pride hurt, and that was that. Nice, easy, clean. I returned his house keys today with a note saying that I'd never turn my back on him if he needed me. And I'm trying not to be bitter. I did my best, nobody can eve say different. But my best, against the fantasy world of porn is just not enough. I had no idea when we went to see Don Jon, how much Bill's life was like JGL. I knew he would be rich if he had shares in Jergens. I got used to the idea that he enjoyed "Sex with the one he loves" more than sex with plain old me. Almost. But the two hour pornathon....including MILF sex, black sex, teen sex.....it was just too much.
And if you know anything about Aspies, they tend to not want to admit they are wrong. He fights like a teenager alot of the time. I'm over it. Sad, but over it. I deserve better. I've been told that by everyone. I mean EVERYONE. His coworkers laughed when I met them and they found out I was dating him. His FRIEND said "He's a good man, but he's "out there". His own biological mother, ironically was referred to as someone who "lived in a world of her own" This also describes Billy. Weird humor....unavailable emotionally, rituals, insecure with chaos. Not a real social mixer. He has learned to assimilate well in alot of situations, repeated learned responses. But that's not real. And his humor is quite strange....weird comments on facebook....including one when I posted something supporting people with autism or something similar "I knew people like that but they were cousins" or something like that. THIS MAN IS INCREDIBLY SMART. But incredibly strange. Can't say I love you, but uses "Eddie" as a catch phrase for all things good in the world. If I cooked a nice meal he'd walk in the door and say "Eddie". If we were lying comfortably watching a movie, he'd say it. If I posted something on facebook....he would say "Eddie Colliflower would like that". The infamous Eddie, is a dog my sister owns, a Jack Russell and his favorite breed of dog. He has idolized this dog from afar, only meeting him once, including screen saver of him and many saved pics I've been kind enough to gather for him. I arranged a meeting with Eddie, and it was pure bliss for him...
And I loved this guy because....????
But it's all in the past now. And I have to look forward, pick up my hurt feelings and move on. There are more adventures.
He needs to find another Aspie. That would be heaven. Someone who was content to just be a BFF and would expect as little as he expects from someone. Because we all know, and I'm sure his mother drove home to her precious ONLY child...."If someone does something nice for you you have to repay them" Even if it means stringing them along just because they attended her when she was dying. And that has been the basis, I believe for us making it this far.
