1:30 a.m. - 2008-05-30
An Easy day....
Came home tonight and sat outside alone on the swing and picked out a couple random songs to listen to by Nickel Creek....
"When You Come Back Down"
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play
When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
I'll keep lookin' up, awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire
And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall
[Bridge:]
Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings
When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare,
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
"Jealous Of The Moon"
Tryin' on a brand new dress
But you haven't worn the old one yet
You've come too far
To turn around now
You've given up the good fight
You're as strong as anyone
You're back where you started from
I see you're back where you started from
Starin' down the stars
Jealous of the moon
You wish you could fly
Just being where you are
There's nothin' you can do
If you're too scared to try
Drag your pretty head around
Swearin' you're gonna drown
With a beautiful sigh
And a river of lies
Starin' down the stars
Jealous of the moon
You wish you could fly
Just stayin' where you are
There's nothin' you can do
If you're too scared to try
Why don't you call me, I could save you
Together we'll find a God we can pray to
That'll take you by the hand
I hate to see a friend of mine
Laughing out loud
When she's crying inside
But you've got your pride
Starin' down the stars
Jealous of the moon
You wish you could fly
But you're stayin' where you are
There's nothin' you can do
If you're too scared to try
You're starin' down the stars
Stay where you are
You're jealous of the moon
But there's nothing you can do
If you're too scared to try
I guess that's one of the reasons I love music so much. It really brings home the emotions we feel. These two songs have so much of me in them, what I've been going through. It's really uncanny how many songs have played throughout this trip that have had very direct messages for me.
Di and I talked on the way to Louisville today and I realized that I've NEVER been faithful to ANYONE. From high school sweethearts to husbands, and now to a wife. Not even faithful to my kids. That's a record I'm not very proud of. It scares me that I'll never tame this wild nature in me. I want so much to be the person who can fight off these desires, to pin down the reasons I seek out admiration from others when I have someone who adores me right in front of me....
We had an easy day. We visited the Louisville Slugger factory and Churchill Downs. We chased down another food network find, the Famous Kentucky Hot Brown. Mmmmmmm.....one of the tastiest concoctions I've ever had but GOD how bad for you. We walked in the park and took tons of pictures. Tonight Bob and I smoked a joint, and now I'm writing while he plays a game. We've had alot of fun reliving the old days, and learning how we've changed over the years. Bob is HIV positive. He nearly died a few years back when he had full blown AIDS. He's been very "grounding" during this visit. He has a firm grasp on life's realities.
It was really freaky going back through the yearbook. Lynnea's senior quote "The Party's Over" was kind of eerie, she died in a car crash before she graduated or shortly afterward. Bob's said "Better to keep your mouth closed and remain a fool than to open it and remove all doubt". He was in the closet all during high school...I didn't even know. And he still lives his life that way. Says he wants to be remembered for who he was not that he was gay. And MY senior quote: "A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the show". How true. Oh, one more....Timmy said "Live and let live". He was killed by his wife when he was around 40. Followed by lots of domestic violence rumors.
So maybe there is some real rhyme and reason to the universe.
I'm gonna go out and smoke just one more before I slip off to bed. One more day in Kentucky and Saturday we return home. I got a call today notifying me that I'd received $895 scholarship money from the Hoffman Institute toward my visit. I'm hopeful for my future. I know Hoffman is only the beginning but I feel so positive about this opportunity, this chance for new insight. Only a couple of weeks to go.....
