5:32 p.m. - 2008 05/31
Headin Home
It�s always sad leaving an old friend. Despite my hesitation, my time with Bob was well spent. I am so grateful we made the trip.
Bob and I spent a lot of time reliving the old days, and he spent a lot of time trying to direct me in the living of the rest of my life. He had some wise observations. He was funny as hell. I never realized what a special place I held in his heart. So many emotions. I am happy and sad and confused and clear. I am scared.
Di and I had more ups and downs than a roller coaster. One day she�s tender, forgiving, looking forward to the rest of our lives, the next shaky, uncertain. I understand why she feels this way. I seriously doubt I�d have been anything more than a basket case if I were in her shoes�..
Last night we visited a lesbian bar in Louisville. I can�t help but notice all the women, and there is a part of me that has to be honest and say that I wish I�d had more time to explore this new area of my life, knowing all the time that Diana is the best thing I could ever have hoped to find. It�s an inner struggle. We did have a good time though�.I managed to be well behaved. We sang Karaoke together (The Tide is High) �and I also sang alone (White Rabbit). It took a lot of beer to reach that level of comfort though�lol. The rest of the night I apparently spiraled into a semi-depressed state where I said some things that surprised even me this morning. This is not going to be easy�I keep saying that over and over but I guess it�s just not totally sinking in until the silent periods come. I am mourning the loss of innocence more than anything I believe. The loss of trust, and the loss of a relationship with Kim that was in its proper place.
We saw a lot during the trip. We visited three great restaurants�.Lincoln�s birthplace, Louisville Slugger Factory, several beautiful parks, Churchill Downs. We joked about getting our own food network show �Two Dikes and a Hybrid� where we would seek out the hidden restaurant gems from town to town. We visited a glass factory, Glassworks, in Louisville. Very pretty things! We got a blown glass hot air balloon for the house. We do manage to pack a lot of stuff into every trip we take. Unfortunately, the weight loss we achieved in the first, stressful part of the trip, we made up for toward the end. Bob is a great cook, and between his delights, and the restaurant finds we surely have gained a little. I plan on joining the gym when we return.
I�m gonna go read some to Di. We�re reading Eat, Pray Love. I read it earlier, but its fun reading it to her and getting her take on it.
