8:12 p.m. - 2008-04-17
I just want to rant
It already feels like a very long day and its only 12:30. So far I've gone for blood work, an eye exam, and worked two hours. I can hardly wait to get off tonight and relax.
While waiting to have be called at the lab I was seated across from an elderly woman whose legs were covered with large scabs. They also had chunks of flesh missing in a couple of areas. I don't know what malady causes this sort of havoc, perhaps Diabetes? All I know is it was damn scary looking and it started me thinking again about aging with fear and trepidation. What will be my fate as the years, now passing at what often feels like warp speed, fly by?
I'm already forgetful. I found myself repeating the same story to a co-worker within a matter of minutes this morning. I listened to my mother on the phone this morning with yet another tale of woe revolving around her relationship with my grandmother and her inability to face the fact that she can no longer live alone. This stuff feeds my neurotic preoccupation with worrying about things I have little control over.
At work I do get a glimpse at the other end of the spectrum when I come across customers who have made it to their 80's and are still able to navigate pretty well and have maintained their sense of humor and enthusiasm for life. So all hope is not lost.
But these characteristics are not strong with us. Gigi (Grandmother) refers to her residence as jail and reflects unhappily on a life she made near miserable to her her tell it. What my mother does is out of obligation and expectation and is tempered with a large dose of resentment toward her sister who does nothing with or for Mom. And so it goes.....
Oh, to come from a culture where the aged are revered, respected!
I do take some comfort though, in the progression that has occured through the generations. My mom has had a much fuller life and more joy than hers....and so it goes as well. If all goes well, I havein my future, a loving, much younger partner who adores the geriatric set and could see me through the stormy years. IF...the boat doesn't capsize.
*note....I'd say I'm soooooo failing miserably at staying in the present.
Man the lifeboats or smooth sailing??????
