10:31 p.m. - 2007-05-09
Happy Anniversary
One year anniversary. One year since the trip to Europe that changed my life forever. One year ago yesterday, I spoke up and made eye contact with the woman who is now everything to me.
Not suprisedly, the year has flown by. There have been lots of ups and downs, but the ups have far outweighed the downs. There are still obstacles to overcome, but my heart and mind are settled. My love is true. My future is bright.
In three weeks Diana and I plan to travel to California for our first real vacation together. Three days in San Fran, and four in Santa Monica. I can't wait. 7 days alone. No work, no worries. Just alot of running and sightseeing. The first three days promise to be a whirlwind of activity. First day, Alcatraz tour and dinner at the Wharf. Day two, 9 hour wine country tour. Day 3, 3 and 1/2 hour tour of the Muirwoods. On the 4th day, we drive to Santa Monica. I asked for a more relaxed pace while there. Diana has unlimited energy, but my older years have given me cause to pause now and then.
Had my procedures done, D & C and then Thermochoice. I pray that these two things will alleviate some of the aggravation that "the ponies" cause me every month. Or twice a month as it has been lately. Unfortunately, I felt so darn good after the procedure Friday, I proceeded as usual the following two days and did too much. The past three days I've been exhausted. Totally worn out and had to result to Xanax a couple of times to beat the edginess at the end of the day. Plus, Diana was traveling so I was here alone. I am doing better with that, but still have some lonely times. I don't have a good friend network here since the move. I found myself craving a bit of cannibis and fought the urge. I hate that I still desire that so strongly, but I have to admit that is the only way I can totally stop the voices that constantly invade my quiet. There are still voices of guilt and regret. Not of the choice, but of the ones I hurt, the mistakes I've made etc. When I do it, the maryjane, I totally relax, totally unwind. I wish it weren't so taboo, and more to the point, so objectionable to Diana. But it's certainly not enough of a draw to sacrifice what I have with her.
I am enjoying my life with Di immensely. We have a very good time together, laugh alot and look forward to adventures together. She got her motorcycle license and wants me to do the same. She bought a Honda Shadow and will get it this weekend. I am not sure about all this, but I'm not discounting it. Have to think about it. I think it sounds tantalizing...but I'm a bit fearful. Yes, me, fearful...haha
Well, all smelling of sweetness and slightly sleepy, I'm going to crawl into bed and wait for Di to come home.
