10:08 p.m. - 2006-05-26
Random stuff...nothing important
I'm getting pretty sporadic with this diary these days. It comes and goes. And lately I just have not been in the writing mode. I have been working on a few things, gathering some bits and pieces for that book I will one day publish instead..haha
There's been plenty going on. My trip, new job, finding out I'm going to be a grandmother, and at the same time realizing that there is a good chance that my daughter will be raising her child alone. Of course we will help her all we can. I am very excited at the prospect of bonding with a little girl (hopefully) or boy (if we must...) and making some wonderful memories together. I doubt I'll fit the storybook grandmother persona....I'll have to find my own path. I remember when I was separated from my girls, I did everything I could to be connected emotionally to them. We volunteered at school, even after working til 2 a.m. We wrote frequently. You do what you can. It will still be hard when Nikki has kids and they are in Wisconsin. I will have to invest in a video phone. They have some really cool ones for around $800. Not jerky like some web cams....at least my grandchild can see me and remember who I am.
I haven't been in the wedding planning mode but Nik has slowed down on her impatience. We have until next April. With Christa pregnant....it is going to complicate the bridesmaid dress shopping. We have already reserved the hall and church. I tend to want to wait till the last minute and this is no exception. I am a little out of my element planning something of this nature. I don't even entertain in my home. I've not had anyone to our house since we moved in last November except family. I am so socially challenged.
Mom and Dad never had anyone over. They had no close friends to speak of. I think alot of the reason mom didn't get involved with people in depth was that Dad was such a psycho. I didn't like to bring friends over because you never knew when a meltdown was coming, and his language was pretty raw. My friends would gasp at all the GD's, SOB's, etc. It was just easier to go to my friend's house.
So now I long for interaction with other people but whenever I invite people over, I put so much pressure on myself to make sure everything is just right, food is delightful, worry about if they'll be bored...etc. It's too much stress...haha
In my last marriage, John and I did have a couple we hung out with. David and Lisa enjoyed our company, and David was lively and likeable....alot of charisma. He and I ended up dancing around the flirtation thing until finally after a new year's eve party we disappeared and satisfied our curiosity. It was a disaster, and I greatly regret it. Not to mention the fear I had (it WAS the 80's, and the advent of the AIDS awareness)that I might end up with a disease....he was such a rogue. Not one of my proudest moments.
We are probably going to list our house this week, or very soon and I am not sure how I feel about that. The thought of heaving all those boxes, packing, sorting, tossing.....makes me tired. It's too soon. But Craig is convinced that we should do it before the market takes more of a dive. Our area is saturated with nice rentals at a reasonable price because builders took deposits and many skipped out. You can get most anything you want at a decent price. I'd love to be on one of the canals where I could fish, and just enjoy the water. I'd settle for a nice screened porch with hot tub though. I WILL however, miss my pool...... :(
Speaking of the pool....think I'll go take a dip. Took a REAL walk tonight and it would feel good wash off the sweat. I walked/ran and the breeze was pretty cool. It was just the right time to go, before the sun completely set and the bugs came out. There have been times here that you can't even enjoy the pool because the frogs (?) and other night creatures make so much noise you can't hear someone else talking to you. It's maddening.
Hoping this weekend turns out to be a nice one. Just going to play it by ear and take it as it comes....
G'night
