12:22 a.m. - 2005-05-14
Who Stole my Mojo?
Someone stole my mojo.
It's sad but true.
I thought I was doing so well, without the Prozac and all. I felt like a "ball-o-fire"....full of creativity, and life....and all things sacred. And now I'm reduced to this pile of shit I've been feeling like for the last few days.
So let's see....what is different? Could it be ALL THAT CRAP I'VE BEEN EATING? Could it be that for the first time in many months I have a week coming up that rivals the busiest you've ever had? Moving into action can be draining. Whatever it is....I'm going to do my damn best to meditate it away. Maybe it's just PMS? I'd know if I'd ever kept a decent record of ANYTHING.
There's absolutely nothing of consequence going on. I only wrote tonight so I would not further confirm that I'd lost it. Felt that doing something familiar might jerk me back the the reality (?) I WAS living in.
I did pick up the last of the fabric/patterns for our Star Wars costume. I'll have to figure out how to put up a picture here...and post one after the premiere. I've got about a hundred bucks in the costumes (conservative when compared to some of the real fan's costumes I've seen....) and I hadn't sewn in years until now, but I know that the payoff will be big in the memory department. I did the fancy Halloween costumes for the girls (Mickey and Minnie, complete with fur heads, for example), and by the time Zach rolled in, I was pretty much over that. And it is more difficult with Zach....much easier it was, to be with the girls and do things that girls want to do. It's harder for he and I to find time and space for mother-son bonding.
Signed up for a Polymer Clay jewelry making class on Tuesday. I'm still not sure that was a good idea....but I'm game for something new.
Daughter #2 is settling in somewhat in Phoenix. She and Mike were able to find a king bed, "mint condition" sofa, and coffee table for $300 at a local thrift shop. She had a job interview yesterday and things look good. Not much pay, but benefits and also FLIGHT BENEFITS for ME again possibly. Yeah! I sure enjoyed those trips and wished I'd used the privelege to visit Hawaii or some other beautiful setting (not that Vermont, Maine, Tennessee, Chicago and wherever else we went, were not beautiful in their own right!)
I can't believe Daughter #2 has done all that she has done in the 2 1/2 years she's been on her own. I admire her guts, moving out at 18 to Chicago to be a flight attendant. I could never have been so bold at that age. The lessons she learned over the past two years have matured her almost to the point of catching up with older boyfriend. In some ways. It's hard, looking back to think that THIS was the one I had all the trouble with. THIS was the one I ended up throwing a phone at, verbally abused, just had a nightmare of a couple of years with? This was the child who, during the fashion show her junior year, while parading down the runway....stopped and did the "hoochie mama thing", arms out to the side, shaking her breasts from side to side, before continuing down the isle. (Do I need to say I was mortified?
Something about moving out on your own at such a young age certainly makes one appreciate the home life, no matter HOW horrible one states it is when he or she is living it. It's a good feeling to know we worked through all that crap and both became closer and wiser through it all. And nobody ended up in jail.
I'm going to go try and watch some tv or read for a bit. I'm just not feeling it tonight.
