9:48 p.m. - 2021-10-24
Congratulations, You passed ALL the tests. You're a Badass!
The rain softly beats on the metal roof of my screened porch. I'm listening to "The Bridge" on Sirius. The current song, "I Can See Clearly Now" does NOT match the current mood. The raindrops are increasing in intensity and that is fine with me. The better for sleeping.
What a couple of weeks.
I arrived in Wisconsin, excited for the upcoming 15 year celebration for one of my favorite bands. A band consisting of a group of midwest boys who can really rock out like those hair band guys back in the day.
I adore my friend. She is the kindest and sweetest person I know. I found someone who did not judge, who enjoyed my high energy and stories, and who said I was NEVER too much. My yes woman. I had hoped it was just a good connection, but alas, it was not only that. Yet another walking wounded, and damaged human. A people pleaser, not unlike the person I used to be.
She told me things were in a mess. What they were, was classic hoarding. Thankfully, CLEAN, hoarding. The kitchen held mountains of items on every surface. I did not spend too much time perusing the stacks, not only to keep her from feeling any worse than she obviously already did, AND so that I could maintain some kind of cool, myself. I am just learning to navigate bigger things without collapsing myself, so saving myself AND another seemed a daunting task in prior days but I managed it this time. At times, I know my frustration was obvious. I couldn't hide everything. But I was damn proud of how well I managed.
My room was reasonable clear. The perimeter had some stacking, and a Christmas tree bound in plastic. I felt fairly comfortable as long as I stayed out of the eyesight of the mess. I walked in the mornings for at least an hour. And I did leave for a day and stayed with my daughter and grands. The trip we scheduled to our favorite getaway was the icing on the cake.
Cooking was out so we ate out one meal a day and just snacked. While the microwave was clear, and the fridge, as well as the sink.....navigating all this was too much. The fridge was stuffed to the point not another item could go in. Forget the $.50 pints of fruit I got because the store overstocked, we could not use them. I gave them to Nikki. But We managed. I was looking forward to returning home, my final trip this month is next week, for Halloween weekend to Denver, and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. A bad experience trading in my phone capped off the time I spent at my friend's home. We left on Friday to head toward our final destination. She rented a room in Green Bay so we could get a jump on Saturday and the boys playing Fall Fest. Everything was rolling along fairly well. Until, I noticed my NEW phone was missing. We circled back, and it had fallen out of my shallow pocket in the PARKING LOT of the place we HAVE to stop for caramel apples every year (tradition for my friend). Luckily, nobody ran over it. it had only one small scratch. Phew! ON to the festivities. But now a few more minutes later and more stress on my friend.
The climb down and back up the hill after parking in Sister Bay is pretty steep. We did walk it down, but I volunteered to come back with the car for her the trip back. With her knee situation, etc it was just more than she could do. We made it. The boys were great, as usual, as was the pumpking pie in a cup, the sights, the sounds I was ready to go when it was over though. I just can't do crowds well any more.
Our exploring went pretty well. I tried to pay for more of the food and lodging since I know she doesn't have an abundance of funds. The final day, her car broke down. In the near dark. In a really bad place, under the light at least, at the intersection of two roads right at the stop sign. I scanned the area for a makeshift bathroom, because I KNEW how long help would take. Then I began to bark out orders. Call the roadside NOW. Ask this, do that. I've been down Panic Path and I've learned how to problem solve. There's no time for that deer in the headlight look!
Shortly, a gentleman came by and took a look at the issue, assured it that it was the hose and probably not a huge issue, but would require a tow. RA quoted 90 to 105 minutes. Gentleman had already gone, but gave his number and asked that we let him know how we came out, and he would be happy to give us a ride to our hotel, a few miles away.
We did end up calling the guy back. She was hesitant when they said 90 minutes minimum. I barked out, HE ASKED YOU TO CALL HIM!!!! Tell him what our ETA is, and if he's not interested we will try and get an uber! (which is sketchy in this really wide open area with little going on. a hose took another day to get in!) Jerry DID in fact come back and pick us up, generously offer us a drink or water, and entertained us along with his wife, until the truck came. And then, as promised, he drove us back. He said "I hope that if I were in this situation, you would do the same for me." And I most certainly would have. My friend, probably not. Fear is a big part of her existence.
After all this, and safe return to our hotel room, I had to lay down some tough love. I knew that she instinctively knew all the things I was replaying for her. You DON'T go on trips without a plan B. Either some cash, or a credit card. You can ALWAYS ask. You don't demand, but you ask and let the other person decide what they are willing to do! You have to advocate for yourself, your children are too busy and if you do not, your life will be inside those four walls. Not in the beautiful surroundings we enjoy exploring together. I gave her a credit card I had with no balance, and I put her up in a hotel room. Then I got an uber, and waved goodbye. And really enjoyed the peace and joy of having nobody again to be concerned with except myself.
As it turns out, they inspected her apartment while we were gone. She was given notice today if she does not get the things cleaned up in five days, she will be evicted. I know this must have been incredibly embaerassing and sad for her. She dresses so well, and is not a person I would have ever dreamed had these issues. It makes me hesitant to be close to her, or to others. I've worked so hard to get my life to a place where I experience mostly peace and joy. Sure, there are obstacles but most are small or surmountable. The only things that would trip me up totally now, would be medical things. Dark scary things that came from inside me. Other than that, I'm very happy with my lot in life for my age.
The cherry on top was a camping trip with my sister. I don't know why I call it camping. She stays inside her rv 99 percent of the time. She surfaced for dinner, and a few other moments. The folks with us were HER friends! I shake my head. But I have come to realize that everyone has their own bubble. My bubble contains nature, nature, and more nature. Hers is gambling, eating, and tv. kind of sad, but who am I to judge another's path?
Camping for me means I am predominantly in nature. I try to get by with as little as possible. I'm chomping at the bit to get out again! April. If I don't get a dog first. I am really fighting the desire to get one NOW. I was able to pet a big great dane this weekend and fell in love totally. But the plan is one more year of travel, then an animal. I have to stick to the plan.
I drove into town while she was watching the tenth episode of virgin river, and stopped at Chilis for a margarita and some snacky food. The featured margarita was very tasty, so against my better judgement, I had another. Wheeeeeeee. Then, my waitress comes over and puts a third down, saying she made it by accident. Oh boy! I did drink it as well and was pretty blasted. Regretful. Alcohol continues to be the least favorite mood enhancer for me. Ugh. I had a good 30 minutes where I was happy and bubbly and so chatty and personable, then I felt like a tree falling in the forest. Give me thc, any day! and that DOES NOT muddle my senses the way alcohol does. It is insane that it still gets such a bad rap.
And NOW, I am going to go watch some tv. I need to start putting things together for Denver. I have to take my immunization card, the shows are for vaccinated only. I need a very few more pieces of clothing. And then I want to be organized enough not to be running for the door, like I so frequently am on my trips. I have learned a lot. Still much to go.
