11:27 p.m. - 2006-03-15
Death,. Yes, once again....
Cody was a little cherub. Head full of curly, golden locks. His smile could melt your heart. Cody was the apple of his daddy's eye. They were seldom apart.
One day Cody and some friends were playing after school and a shotgun became one of the toys. Cody was dead from a gunshot wound after living only 8 short years on this earth. He would never live to see 9, or his first real kiss, or to love someone more than life itself.
I was pretty floored by the death, but I can't even imagine how his immediate family endured the whole thing. I remember vividly walking into the funeral home, and seeing my good friend Pam, rubbing her little brother's lifeless hand and looking at me saying "If you rub it it feels warm." That was almost more than I could take.
Cody's daddy never got over his death. He built a "shrine" at the grave site, and he spent alot of time there. And it wasn't too long before dad joined son.
My ex-husband died while on a cruise in St. Johns. He, his wife and pals Gordon and Susie were having the time of their life. Who would have thought Hal would die face down, while snorkeling, in the waters of one of the most beautiful places in the world? He had a massive heart attack at 47, never knew what hit him. I was pretty shook up, even after all these years. But I can't even imagine how those who were with him dealt with the horror of having something like that happen, and especially in a place so far from home. It was a nightmare for them, the logistics of it all. *They did say though, that Carnival was wonderful with them during this time of utter chaos.
I hope that if I am ever in a situation that rivals either of the above two, I am strong enough to weather it. You never know when you're number is gonna be up. That's both liberating and frightening at the same time. And as someone with alot of spiritual questions at this time.....I'm not feeling real good about it, or I wouldn't be obsessing about it in this damn diary!!!!!! I guess these feelings really intensified for me, with Gary's death. I couldn't have timed this retreat any better. A time for much needed reflecton.
I'm planning to go up in a hot air balloon while I'm in Sedona. I've always wanted to do it, and I am taking Zach's camera It takes great pictures and I should be able to get some remarkable shots. And memories.
I toyed with the idea of totally splurging and staying at least a night in a luxury resort. It was tempting, but reason won out, and I'm just gonna have to enjoy the natural beauty during the day and dream at the good ol' Super 8 for the night.
Sweet dreams at 12:06 a.m.
