1:23 p.m. - 2021-09-15
This is what I've fought all my life. My mother messaged me at least 80 percent of the time (unless she agreed with what I was doing/saying) that I was never enough. My father used to take me over and over back to areas I'd cleaned and thought were acceptable, and find fault. I just got used to comparisons. "Don't tell anyone what goes on here!" "What would people think?" Comparisons were daily existence, our reality.
Fast forward many, many years and here I am sitting on my porch at 1:26 in the afternoon. Writing and listening to music. Same old stuff that comforted me 40 something years ago when my world was so unforgiving. Retired. Some days it can be awkward. I'm not a great self starter, tend to wait til it's crunch time and push through fine, but a little stressed. Most of the time it is just what I hoped it would be. Largely because I make it that way.
It is warm today, as usual. I pulled some really ugly spotted leaves from a bayonet type plant I have beside the porch. I will go to my daughter's home tonight, to see my new granddog and celebrate still being here another year.
I think I'll try and fit in a dip in the pool in a bit, before I go. Last night I wandered down to the "uppity" pool and there was not a soul in there. I guess that's the thing with 55 and up especially in the heat! I figure there will be more in the winter. I just got back September 2.
Birthdays don't mean much these days. When I COMPARE, I feel fortunate to be as active, limber etc. with the minimal maintenance I'm putting in. I stay semi active but in no way participate in any regular scheduled exercise. That's about the best I can offer at this time. Maybe my perspective will change when I visit my GP next week and the pulmonary guy. I need some CPAP tinkering. Last night I had leaks and 5.9 events per hour. Still a huge improvement of the earthquake of them I had in the old days. Ugh.
So, here goes this trip down memory lane. Let's see what arises!
Love Machine. Disco. Trying too hard. Not my fit.
Love is Alive. Groovy. Weed. Card games I didn't play well. Smiles. George Carlin. Rodney and Sheila.
Sarah Smile. Beach and sunshine. Good vibes. Freedom. Peace.
Afternoon Delight. Awful memories. Trapped . (I thought) in a teen marriage. Not a good one.
I Write the Songs. I never could get on board with Barry, or other singers in this genre. Shoot me now. Others that come to mind.....Captain and that chick. That stuff.
Fly Robin Fly. The Funky Side of Disco. This stuff I loved. Donna Summer, the girls! Just a mellow, happy memory.
Love Hangover. Ewwww Sad disco vibes. This reminds me of crashing a gay bar with some cop friends who knew the place for my first fun with drag queens. Who knew???? Funny then to see straight lookie-loo's get dragged on the floor and teased. Fun in that respect....but otherwise an icky memory. This vibe is NOT good.
Get Closer. Seals and Crofts........so so many memories in my teens around all their popular hippie folk pop!
Bohemian Rhapsody. The KING. Queen was absolutely brilliant, at a time when brilliant was very welcomed! Their tunes stuck in your head for days.
I'd Really Love To See you Tonight. Syrup. Pure syrup. I can't believe I was so into stuff like this. Sucker for those emo melodies I guess. Makes me cringe now.
HOT CHOCOLATE!!!!! I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES! OMG.....the sexiest song at the time. Absolutely the sexiest. Watching a good dancer do that one was mmmmmmm But that wasn't me.
Love Rollercoaster. THIS one reminds me of Grad Night at Disney World. Riding the people movers when we were tired of walking, and looking down on The Ohio Players playing this! Awesome memory. That is one time it was nice being near Disney. So much fun.
That was fun. On to some important things. I realize my sister may not see the value of the playlist I just put together for her to jog her memories from the old days, but I've certainly enjoyed this little project. I'll add more songs to what I'm compiling over time. Sometimes, that is all that keeps me together. Simple things. Remembering much simpler times. I extract maximum joy from most days but it is a whole new world these days. And sometimes I can retrieve a memory and plug it in, as if a mental "jukebox" if you will, and take myself back to that simpler time if only for a few moments. These little recorded things I do......they will remind me of all I was lucky enough to do in my senior years. When so many have already passed, or not capable of doing lots......I do feel so grateful for whatever time I have.
Those frickin' comparisons again.....Ugh. The force is strong with that one.