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2:29 p.m. - 2020-01-12
Peace Love and Reality
I’m here. I always said I would be. I put away all my rag tag possessions last night after a 1200 mile drive and a few days of family. I told Mom years ago that when she was failing I wanted to be free to come and help. The only way that could happen was for me to retire. And I did. And I was browbeaten by my mother for my decision. I was a wreck. I’ve had a hell of a time adjusting to retired life as well. Some draining relationships and bad choices. But if I had a dollar for every time my daughter has said I’ve saved her life coming to help at a moment’s notice, I’d have a nice stash.

And I’m here. Considering I could barely be in the same room as her a year ago this is pretty remarkable. Not so much that I’m here, but that I have such peace about everything! No guilt. I’m ready to get to know Mom a little more. Reconnect with sisters. And hope that the twisted one can play nice. Another miracle, the three of us have been great, I think everyone is mature enough to give and take and live and let live now. I’ve put down very very tight boundaries. I’ve learned so much.

I’m going to an Upchurch concert with my niece. There’s no way I enjoy that type of music or opinions but I’m all about an experience, a story. Then I’m dragging her to see Carbon Leaf! I’ve let a lot of my past stinkin’ think in’ go too. I just want contentment and peace in my life. The tough stuff comes and then you batten down the hatches and you do the best you can. The rest should be reasonably zen. Despite this, despite that.....just because there’s STILL enough beauty and goodness in the world to inspire me to grab hold of it instead of whining about how awful things are.

I was a wreck. I grew. I have no room in my life for people who aren’t even trying.



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