1:48 p.m. - 2018-07-11
the up north
Wow. So much has happened. Of course it has lol
I am realizing more and more what a force I am when I am "on", I have had numerous suitors present but I just am not too interested in it right now. I know I sparkle. I don't want it to dull.
The most recent adventure was a trip "Up North". I have heard of this place forever....this magical weekend wonderland for folks who are weary of the rat race. Lots of homes on lakes and just beautiful countryside. My buddy.....We'll just call him Mr. Eel for now lol, talked of it extensively. And FINALLY I got my chance.
Last week when I was over, he sort of invited me. My eyeballs were popping out and my tongue drooling over the tales, but he did ask me to go. And promptly forgot the next day. I was pissed. FUCK YOU! I had two other things to do, among them CARBON LEAF in Chicago which would have totally been worth anything I had to do to get there. Had this joker not asked me up north.
It was a rocky trip. I planned as adequately as possible and I am NOT a bad planner. I included plenty of stuff for us and I was ready. But when I got there I began to party too much and M'lady slipped a little. Cold beer ran out and I was chastised. And very very shocked. I mean, seriously Dude....I run to do anything I can gladly, paid for your truck gas, helped you move the thing, did your laundry, brought you food, and on and on. I love to help. And I love this guy. I am not IN LOVE with him....but I do love him deeply. And you're going to belittle me because I let the beer go warm for a while. I was stunned. It wasn't the only time either. But we are making progress because NOW when he picks at me and I could take it seriously, he flips his face around and winks. He is understanding that I am not a thick skinned gal A fiercely passionate one. A good cook. Lover. A thoughtful and kind person Someone who would do anything to see him smile. That definitely should outweigh some of the shortcomings. There are far more GOOD things than bad. I would love to be one with him even one time. But if not, I know there are good things coming my way. And friendship with him really is the ultimate goal and I do not want it to change things. I am growing. It took damn long enough.
The other obvious shortcoming and I raise the flag on this one myself totally guilty.....I get fucking lost. Easy. That's another thing I got accused of. Playing on my phone. The only time I spent playing on my phone was to try and download some music I fucked up. And That was IT. Then I worked my way through a web of the most difficult roads I've ever navigated and WITHOUT GPS. FOR HOURS. I worked from memory and finally made it home with what I went for, a birthday cake and a few other things. But somewhat knocked down a peg. I'm a sturdy girl. And I'm proud of that. But my memory or my whatever is lacking. I am a total ditz. I need lists and notes and all kinds of bells and whistles. Who knows, maybe beginning of Dementia. But all else is clear and blue skies and I am loving my life.
The gathering up north was enlightening. I enjoyed 75 per cent of it over the top. I walked and wowed and looked at the brightest stars and milky way I had not seen since I was a kid. I slept outside in my hammock the last night. I met kind folks and was kinda stupid at times. But I hope not too stupid. I'd like to return. Soon! We rode the bikes zipping down those trails and roads. I felt like a child again. I am getting stronger and stronger and I do believe this year may be my best ever AT 60!!!!
I was afraid how he would see the weekend. That is the thing. He doesn't see the bad stuff. He wields his swords of pain and then forgets. I have a soft heart. I've been tough so far. Every fiber of me says to stick it out, that he is special enough to weather the pain. I am amazed and in awe when he tells me stuff. Proud of the passion he has for his trapping, winter stuff, archery, shooting.....he is pretty damn amazing. He said he doesn't need anyone. If it gets too intense....I will have to protect myself. It would be awful. Losing him in my life would be very painful....but luckily I've had plenty of practice. And there is.....Mike waiting at the door. Mike is a good guy, attractive and we talk alot same same. But I am not sparked. I was aflame the first time I met Mr. Eel. Maybe second but definitely by the second lol A searing view into his passionate nature and craziness. Getting kind of twitchy just thinking about it. It's all just a fantasy isn't it.....at this age.....creating the life you love could not possibly come with a fantastic buddy with benefits...or could it? I love my own time. I fretted because I wanted SOME companionship and figured nobody would work around my snowbirding and crazy interests. And then I met Eel. Time will tell.
I am going kayaking at the quarry today. I will take a garbage bag and clean up a bit I think. I can't miss a good day in the sun. If I die of skin cancer....so be it. These last days or years are gonna be a blast!
