8:06 p.m. - 2018-03-19
starting countdown
Here I am again, in the village of crazy. LOL I am less than two weeks from retiring from the best job I have ever had. I make good money. I am leaving because of my heart. My heart is so entangled with those back home, although my heart is definitely HOME here. I won't look back. Too many skeletons, too much heat, too much drama. And no love. No REAL love.
A week from Friday I walk away from the post office for now. I won't say forever, because in today's world anything could happen. But for the foreseeable future, nope. It is time to expand my horizons. And on April 2, I will roll out for the east coast edition of the 2018 No More Fucks Tour. Two nights in Mountain Light Sanctuary, which I am VERY much looking forward to, and then on to family that I am ALSO looking very much forward to. A night with my friend Lee And then on to .....whatever
Mom isn't doing well. She isn't accepting that she caused her own demise with years of bad health care and cigarettes. PLUS alcohol. But she enjoyed those things. And I go with DO IT if it makes you happy and pay later. But now it's later and the thought of towing around a tank of oxygen when she already doesn't feel great sucks. I get it.
I go to see her this trip as much as possible. I have always said I'd step up if anything happened that caused me to have to be there full time. I'm the ONLY one who would be ok with the "dirty work". How ironic would that be. The least favorite, with her at the end. Oh well, Bill's mother had me, a virtual stranger sleeping with her, attending to her every need. And she appreciated it. And it filled my heart to do it. I don't know what to expect with mom so I am trying to have NO expectations and just go with it. I feel so free now, retiring. I feel like it is my time. I want it to be fruitful, not spent taking care of her for years. I am fully committed to shorter term. But I do not have the affinity to endure much more, especially the way she treated me. I feel sorry for her. Very sorry. But I lived my life my way, and she did as well. I would say I've enjoyed mine MUCH more.
God I'm getting all morose. I am ecstatic. I visited my new place last night, had a fire and just hung out by it trying a few craft beers. It was a beautiful night of celebration. I leave for Florida so soon. Time is sure flying but I am making the best of it.
I went to Devil's Lake, a State Park I'd wanted to visit since I got here on Saturday. I enjoyed very much going up a lot of the hill, but finally assessing and deciding I was out of my league. Still, amazing memories and pictures. and NOW it is so cold and blustery out there.
I just wait til the last minute and this time is no exception. So hold on....the ride begins in 9 days lol
