11:42 p.m. - 2014-01-06
POF disasters, dreadful daughters, and mediums
My life is nothing if not interesting lol
Things are finally over with Bill. It's been a death I prolonged far too long and in some ways a blessing. As my therapist said a few days ago...he has freed me to find a compatible partner. But he had to thrust me off. Cut off all conversation. I just was too much for him. Too smart. Too much "in charge" (someone had to be, he couldn't even remember to zip his fly half the time :( ) And too unwilling to accept him as he was. Always trying to "improve" him. He felt defective and rightfully so. We are working toward a friendship (or so he says....he doesn't contact me yet) and have had a couple of good talks. I know him so well, but there are parts of him I just do not understand. And never will. I know he cared deeply for me but it was largely due to the heroic measures I was empowered to take with his mother. I asked him if that was why he loved me once. He said...."There are a lot of reasons people love each other, I guess that's as good a reason as any"
Always ambiguity.... Sigh....Such a beautiful beautiful man. And he will never be able to satisfy any woman. I hope he's ok with that. :( Nobody wants nothing. It's lonely there :(
So back on POF. It was an experiment. After being with a man SO vain, I wanted to see if there were any men out there who would respond to an honest, well written profile from someone very much the whole package :) I was shocked at how many responses I got, people who really liked the profile, of course. And some who just had one thing to say. Hello. And some who wanted "racy pics" And that poor soul who said "VA Benefits for a good wife" Depressing. Sorry, if you can't invest more "hello" out of the gate, go back to the barn lol
First connection I made that felt worthy of a trial was with Chas. He was charming...in a smoozy sort of way. He was too smoozy. All over me in the booth, clingy. He said corny shit to me and it was just too vast an expanse between us, being a farmer's daughter. Jersey and farmer's daughter just not a good fit lol
Next date. I met Rocky, Richard, or Rick depending on where you fall on his hierarchy. Rick (the name that I think fits best) has a five year old daughter that he has 50/50 custody of. RED FLAG But he was funny so I went. And what ensued was nothing short of an interrogation. I was in tears when I left. I want so much to be a person of integrity and be honest so when he asked me direct questions I was honest. I learned a few things that day. I should have gone when I said "First I want to say you have a beautiful daughter" and he said "And she will NOT be compromised" Yep, shoulda just got up and walked out. I am inexperienced at this game. I left feeling a lot of different things, none good. In tears. He called to see if I was "ok" and I said that I was. I just had to process what had just happened. "It wasn't fun?" he asked?
Seriously? I told him I expected (and I sang it) I'd like to get to know you......and it turned into an hour long process of elimination interrogation. I emailed him when I gathered my thoughts and told him just what I thought of his "fun".
The phone started ringing.
Nope, if it's important, write it. Or call tomorrow. Then comes a text.
Call me.
Nope. Not gonna do it. Writing. Tomorrow.
"Please....I'll sing a song for you" (yes, he really did say that) I told him Adele was filling the bill nicely. "I'll give you chocolates" Ha, sugar has no draw for me since losing so much weight. Again, pass. And that was that.
I learned a lot from both meetings and was just about to pull my profile when I saw Mack. Something drew me to him and his profile was sharp, witty, a bit cynical but still pretty damn amazing. I contacted him and we spent two hours texting off and on. Good morning text from him. We have both been in a sexual drought so I fear falling into bed could happen sooner than later. I am not ready. So I will keep some distance until I am. I'm worth it and if he doesn't think so...he can...as he said so many times in HIS profile....PASS ON BY
My daughter has "cut ties" with me after I jumped ship with HER fitness products and went back to Herbalife. I guess just hurtful because I'm posting my progress on FB (the devil) and proud of myself and it hurts her. She wanted to be the one to lead me to the finish line. She doesn't just care that I'm ALMOST there. She shot me three really nasty texts about cutting ties and never forgetting and maybe forgiving and maybe friends and I was just reeling. I didn't even know what I did. I guess the last straw was a couple of her clients have jumped ship too. I'm sorry. Herbalife trumps Shakeology by leaps and bounds taste-wise. I only do it for breakfast and it's quick and I enjoy talking to Jennifer. Steve is an excellent low impact teacher and I've really noticed increase in strength and flexibility. I guess I just "flaunted" it too much for her.
Oh, and my friend who happens to be a medium channeled my grandparents.
Yep, I have an interesting life. And like my friend told me, it's just a movie. I'm watching the movie. I need to leave the theater..lol
