12:03 a.m. - 2013-11-24
Shakin' it up with Shakeology and Does Anyone Have a Normal Family????
I've neglected writing because I've been busy being all over the map. The anguish with Bill has somewhat resolved itself. He is spending time with me but I don't think he will ever forget the horrible things I said in anger. He can't see both sides, unfortunately....he is only able to see that I am drama and he doesn't want drama.
I did however talk with someone on eHarmony. When Bill said it was forever, I put up a profile instantly. I'm that insecure that I couldn't stand the thought of being unadored lol I put it up, paid for it and have talked to a few guys. Marv smiled at me and I wrote to him. Skipped right to email....I'm not a person who wastes time or filters much. I told him the reason that I put the profile up, and a little about my relationship with Bill. How I took care of his mother and how I had come to realize that if I stay in this relationship I will be pretty much in it alone emotionally. But I have not waved the white flag yet. So I politely told him that I thought he had a very pleasant smile and he seemed like a person who would be nice to get to know but I was for the first time going to be a person of integrity. I would not have one lined up on the side in case this one failed. Or worse yet, fallen for someone else in the middle of it all.
Marv was disappointed. And he seemed like a person who would be good to know. Passionate about cooking, caring as far as his personal description and had a lap full of grandkids in one of his photos. I have decided I like men most who are more like women. Just not gay...lol Sensitive. He told me that he thought I was beautiful and to please keep his email in case things did not work out so I will. And if they don't I don't know if I will contact him or not.
I've embarked on a new regime that is very promising. After watching my daughter go from a size 16 and having a body that was pretty much a train wreck, she has thinned down to a 6 and is becoming very fit. And confident. And now working for the company that helped get her there. I'm so proud of her. And she kept trying to sway me to her brand but I was an occasional Herbalifer, liked the convenience of substituting meals here and there with no thought involved. And they taste good. But Shakeology seems to be different. While the taste is not great, I feel so much better after drinking them. One shake a day, then two healthy meals. Not a real big deal. But what IS a big deal is the T25 Focus Dvds. I'd recently started working out in the fitness room but after only one T25 session I realized I had been kiddig myself. And after only 4 days of the workout, I can already feel increased strength, balance, and other benefits. My digestion is better. My skin looks clearer. And the face that had disappeared for nearly a year is coming back. The thinner, more attractive one. The more confident one. The one who sees joy in the little things instead of wearing blinders all the time playing "loves me, loves me not". I don't know who I will be inside when finish this 30 day challenge. With improvement obvious this soon, I can't wait to see it then. I came home at 12:30 a.m. last night and worked out after seeing Hunger Games. I was so glad I did. 25 minutes and I'm literally dripping when I finish. And amazed. And I'm doing the MODIFIED version. My daughter has turned twig legs into more muscular ones, her tummy is way way down. She looks great, feels great, and is making money because people see her and they want that too. I just want to be the very best 55 year old I can be. I want to get down another 20 pounds but will have to see how it looks on me. I'm not 20 any more...and even at 5'3....and 130 would be overweight a little for that height, I don't want my face to look drawn...you know.
And I say BILL is vain...lol
I honestly can say that I probably look better than I ever have in my life. The sad part about my ups and downs is that I'm alone now...or a least semi alone. But the happy part of it is that I've become a more independent person and I've taken better care of myself than a lot of my counterparts. I was never the pretty one in school...and now I'm grateful, as I watch Bill squirm as the hair goes gray and the belly gets bigger. I know NOW, that I can do a hell of a lot to make what I have better and I WILL succeed this time. And then we will see who I am and what I want at that time. I am trying very hard to just live in the moment. Enjoy the days. And I spent three really nice nights with Bill the other day. And work is going well. And I just left an amazing birthday party for my sis who turned 60. Life really is pretty damn good. I just need to work on holding on to that anchor when the winds blow, as they surely will.
The one fly in the ointment tonight was the feud between my sister and her daughter. There's a long history of drug abuse, but daughter isn't lily white either, just a lot of drama. But the other day my sis passed out and she was keeping her granddaughter. For one hour the child was unattended. She swears she had a migraine and had taken something for it and also found out she had a raging UTI but nobody's buying it. They deem it just another bender. And I was not there and have no idea what really happened. But I know what COULD have happened. Pool in back yard and all doors unlocked. Now mom and daughter aren't speaking and it made things a little awkward at a time when it should have been a wonderful, unmarred celebration for my other sister who is amazing and well loved. It just makes me sad to see families at odds. Or anyone else for that matter. I just want to fix the world. :(
Does anyone have a normal family?
