11:28 p.m. - 2013-06-30
Rough Exterior/Soft Interior in the Tennessee Hills
Rather than continue where I left off, I choose to write about my recent vacation to Tennessee. We went to visit Bill's biological dad. (the adoption in and of itself is a story yet to be told at another time!)
Richie was described to me as many things. Tough guy. Cruel. Hard to get along with. Spent time in the slammer. I was truly fearful of the visit, very hesitant to go but had promised Billy I would. One more thing to see through before whatever fate lies ahead for us.
We arrived in good time, pulled up to a wonderfully charming little home in a small town near Knoxville. I was excited to see such a welcoming place. The view from the back yard was beautiful and the setting sun the first night framed it fabulously.
Upon rising, Richie was beginning to prepare breakfast. He is handicapped, having lost feeling in his lower body many years ago, and had to have his legs removed just a few years ago. I wondered how much help I needed to offer, while not wanting to infringe on his independence. We fell in pretty comfortably and I joked that I would be his souix chef. We talked a good bit and I began to learn more about this man who had me running scared before I even met him. He did not want to lose Billy. He and Billy's mom tried to fight for him but they were unsuccessful. She had given Billy (or Richard as they knew him, up for adoption without his knowledge and he was "on the lam" ended up giving himself up, marrying her, and trying to make things right. But it was not to be. He told me stories of riding along with his Grandpa to collect money for the "hooch" from the "juice joints" with Grandpa fully armed, gun tucked in his pants. He told me about shining shoes, sometimes til 2 or 3 a.m. for money during the depression. Hanging out with "wiseguys" in Jersey. But the man I saw before me now, was a different man. Somewhat softer, humbled although still full of plenty of piss and vinegar. And I a good match! He now lives a quiet life in his cute little home and has a charming girlfriend of 20 years I called a saint before we left for home.
We cooked a hell of a breakfast and the first day started out well. The night before we went out for dinner. That was a bit scary, he's 82 and a handicapped driver who tends to drift a bit in his big old 92 Cadillac. I was grateful to be in the back seat, where at least I couldn't SEE what I was feeling.
After dinner I heard him yelling for Billy, but Billy had gone outside for some reason so I answered. When I entered the kitchen, he was bent over, clinging to the table with one arm, other one clinging to the wheelchair and his shirt nearly over his head. He had lost his balance trying to remove the shirt. I helped get him upright again. How humbling. This strong man, having to rely on others for such basic things at times. He remarked about how he wanted to go out on his porch but he hadn't planned the door well and it was risky alone. He had fallen backwards at times and hand to rig weights on the wheelchair to balance the lack of weight in the front. Still he hangs in there and takes what life brings him with a grateful heart I believe. I think I would have given up long ago! He has pictures and much memorabilia from descendants as far back as the 1770's. Rich history of his mother migrating the Oregon Trail and such. An aunt whose picture looked as if it could have been taken today! Rare of the old pictures that made many look so much older than they were. But I suppose the hard living then added to that. The girl I speak of, looked about 16 and was only 8 but oh...the stunning eyes and beauty. It was fun hearing all the stories and history as I know very very little about my family history.
Overall the visit was a good one. I know I talked way too much, and was too candid about some things. We did agree to disagree about the gay nature/nurture thing....AND he insisted that the reason the vcr was eating his tape was because I didn't have it turned on properly through the tv. (after relying on ME to get it going because I'm "techy" sort of) I tried explaining that the mechanics of the vcr have nothing to do with how the signal is transmitted but gave in quickly realizing that he is old, and proud and I would not make any headway or points arguing. But I also learned that he helped support his sister in law many times when his brother walked out on her. He has a good heart it has just been bumped around alot. And God has rewarded him with the sweetest spirit in his lady friend, Geneva that he could have ever dreamed would put up with his gruff disposition!
Tomorrow is his birthday. I hope he has a pleasant day. I will call him and once again tell him that I enjoyed the visit. The visit that I feared so much initially turned out to be a very relaxing one. Beautiful surroundings. The first morning I spent two hours weeding his flower beds. I loved it! I have never heard so many different bird songs. The air was cool. It felt like home. Family. Richie said "You didn't have to do that...." and I told him how much pleasure it brought me. "You wouldn't lie to an old man would you?"
Oh hell no. Me? Never. :) That's one thing I have to say. You may not like what I say (similar to Richie lol) but it's gonna be the truth!
