4:53 a.m. - 2013-06-30
The beginning.....
It's 4:40 and way too early to rise but finally the words are begging to be written and I must. Billy just left and I know it was not easy for him. It's the first time he's slept over at my place in many months. I observed his discomfort at being out of his normal routine as he wandered around my tiny place gathering his belongings, stopping from time to time to stare for a moment.
It's a sad day for me. I think that I have received the final confirmation that this man will only be a friend in my life and not the partner I'd hoped for so long. If I could just lose enough weight, or maintain good behavior I think I'd always had the hope that things could be different. This man is beautiful. At least to me. Full head of thick beautiful hair. Beautiful smile. Kind heart. Very loyal and, I hate to use this word..., simple because I don't mean it in a negative way at all. Very very intelligent. Hard worker. But quirky. Very quirky.
Our meeting was even quirky. I was on a dating site. I was just about to pull my profile when his caught my eye. No picture and he did not use his real name but the last line of his description tugged at my heart.
"I have always loved animals, I lost one a few years ago and it was like losing a person. That why I'm hesitant to adopt another."
I was a goner. A sensitive man, always my favorites. Enjoyed the same things I did. A good listener. The profile, even pictureless, was enticing enough that I began to communicate with him. In one email I mentioned that I worked with the public. He responded, "I know...I've seen you" or something to that effect.
OK, now I'm weirded out totally. I began to analyze each customer, wondering if that was him. It only took me a couple of days to require that he reveal himself to me. It was just too unnerving. And so he did.
It was ten minutes before closing when I noticed him. Tall and handsome. I glanced back and forth between my current customer and him. And then he did it. I should have known then that he was different. He caught my eye, flashed that beautiful smile, and pointed both index fingers toward his face. I smiled (chuckling a bit inside). He was harmless. And very very good looking. And that was the beginning.
