10:35 p.m. - 2010-04-04
The seesaw tilts in my favor this weekend....
Well, damn. I was trying to upload my first image in years and I'm tired of playing with it. Just have to rely on the imagination here....
Went Easter fishing today on the shore of my old apartment. The weather was perfect and the sky clear and blue. Tide was perfect, even after getting to sleep in til 10 a.m. Well rested and ready to go, we set out around 11:45 and within a few minutes we...well, actually Diana, hooked a really nice black drum. The drum I was going to share here with my image. Oh well... It had to be 3-4 pounds I believe, the largest yet. And that was it for the rest of the fishing. Of course, that was more than enough for a nice dinner of Blackened Drum but it would have been nice to catch a few more. Considering I was skeptical we'd even catch THAT one, I was a satisfied fisher.
Speaking of fish.... I can hear SEVERAL jumping out back in the lake. I wonder what they are...haven't heard them in a while. They do sound LARGE.
Had our family gathering yesterday. Christa and Lee brought Caden and we had a little egg hunt for him. Funny I'm sure riding by seeing one child followed by eight adults, several taking pictures or videos....We were able to keep Caden while Lee and Christa attended The Artic Monkeys concert. It was great fun, but Aunt Di is definitely more in tune with entertaining a toddler than Nonna. She's a natural. They drew with chalk on the sidewalk, we "pretend" camped in the back yard by the fire pit, we watched Wow Wow Wubzy for a while, he kicked the ball around and played at the park...it was a very full and fun day for us all. And then he passed out within one minute when we finally retired. Perhaps we overstimulated him a bit...
I can feel a pattern emerging that feels very comfortable. Relaxing more in the moment. It's so hard for me to stop the chain of thoughts long enough to do this, but I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I sat outside looking at the stars, the brightest I've seen lately, listening to music. I replayed mentally the earlier events of the day, satisfied very much with my weekend. It's great to be feeling good again. I had a dark couple of days after last weekend and it was scary.
We went to Lollipops with Charlene and a few of her friends for her birthday. I've been to a strip club with my first hubby but this was the first time since I changed teams. I expected to feel differently about it than I did. I found myself trying too hard to enjoy myself, and to top things off, Diana had a gal I thought was attractive dance for me. I felt very uncomfortable. Charlene ended up so drunk SHE was giving lap dances to a couple of people. It was just a very bad scene. I stayed out way too late, then we had the accident.
Sitting at the red light, beside a Suburban, this 65 Thunderbird lost brakes and slid right into the middle of us. It happened so fast, it wasn't even startling. We just looked over, and there he was. SHIT! Another hour to get the paperwork done, and finally to bed around 5 a.m. This just can't be done any more. I have to face it, that ship has sailed. What ensued was one of the worst bouts of depression that I've had, thought thank GOD it was brief. I missed a day of work and managed to shake it off by the next day. I had begun to doubt my diagnosis but if I had any doubts...last weekend reinforced things. SO....I am trying to be better about sleep and such.
Another sign that the years are passing is the pain that I currently feel from pulling weeds yesterday. I had a muscle seize up in the movie yesterday and just about dropped Caden off my lap trying to jump up and get it straightened out. AND I caused so much laughter to emerge from my fellow moviegoers that I then had to fight "spritzing" as Whoopee says. Quite a picture. And since, it's been a continued bit of pain today. Tried to work it out and bat around a few tennis balls tonight, but it didn't help. I will try a rubdown with BenGay before bed.
I really can't complain. At 52, I've had very very little discomfort age related. I hear horror stories from customers with back issues, etc. And being at least 50 pounds overweight has got to contribute to alot...but I haven't had much problem with stamina, endurance or pain issues until just recently.
I realized tonight that I didn't get pissed off about anything this weekend. It has to be a record. We didn't argue. We worked together as a team on the dinner and enjoyed our fishing outing. Now she's watching the Yankees and just praying they pull it off after we sent damning texts to Dianne earlier.
I don't know exactly what I believe about a higher power these days. But I do feel a presence and blessing this weekend. And I am very grateful.
