12:44 a.m. - 2010-02-14
Busy day, peaceful night.
Winding down. Packed alot into this chilly day. We drove 2 hours over to Micanopy, and the home where I visited my grandmother when I was young. The town has a historic district and I was able to view photographs of Elbert's people's homeplace. There were lots of antique stores in town, and we wandered into a few. I'm no big fan of antiques but a few things did jog my memories of years past.
After we finally found Elbert's home (after I insisted that I was 99 percent sure I'd already found it earlier..lol) we visited Payne's Prairie Reserve and hiked a little. We hoped to see bison or horses but saw neither. We ran out of time before we were able to hike far enough for earlier sightings.
Took in the Laser Vinyl and Metallica light shows tonight at the planetarium. The first was terrific. The songs were all familiar and several transported me back very vividly to times that I seldom think of these days. It was alot of fun reliving those times.
We did end up with some real rowdy people behind us. There always has to be someone....
I went for a walk after we got home. Diana was tired so she declined. The stars were so bright, it was beautiful though very chilly. I sat out back just taking it all in when I got home. It was just a peaceful, easy feeling. Brought me some real joy.
Diana wants to do the Orlando museums tomorrow but I'm not sure if I want another "balls-to-the-wall" day. May just want to kick back and read a little, take it easy. I'm almost finished with People of the Book and want to get back to Bloodroot. I'm so glad I started reading again. A wonderful way to "escape" when I need to. And lately I've been needing to a bit. This morning Diana started in on me about "flip flopping". I guess I need to develop alligator skin or a duck's back, or something similar. I get tired of being criticized. So much of what she complains about seems so trivial. I long for the ease of being accepted for me. As I am. Is that just an unrealistic fantasy? I do recall a time when I did feel that way, but it's been so long ago I can barely remember it. And it wasn't with Diana. It's funny...the things that draw me to her also drive me crazy alot of the time. She's organized to a fault, and very practical. But sometimes I want footloose and fancy-free. Sometimes I want someone who will just let go, totally let go. That will NEVER be Diana. She's always got to keep that control.
And here I am. Most of the time I feel I'm succeeding at making the most of what I have. Most of the time I'm moderately happy. Most of the time I'm not agonizing the way I was just a few months ago. But that doesn't mean the wounds have totally healed. And I don't suspect they ever really will.
