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10:27 a.m. - 2010-01-24
Sunday Morning Musings
Had a great time last night at the party. I was a little unsure of what to expect. I knew we would know a couple of people but had no idea how many others would attend nor did we know the hostess. To our surprise there ended up being about 30 lesbians there and the hostess was not only an expert at entertaning but had a lovely home in which to hold the gathering. Among the guests was a couple, Gloria and Pat who had been together for 40 years. Lots of us with less time under our belts were curious to ask her questions about the longevity of the relationship, difficulties of being a lesbian in earlier years, etc. She seemed a bit overwhelmed by it all and began to squawk about the inquisition but she answered quite a few of the questions for us. She didn't quite embrace the mentor role...lol

Ladies played WII bowling in the family room, the hostess mixed up "Mommy's Specials" for us in the kitchen, a tasty concoction that included Amarula and some other fine spirits, and there was always a group of smokers hanging out by the pool discussing a little bit of everything.

I have got to say this was the nicest gathering we've ever attended. It was so comfortable to be amongst our "family". And the group was comprised of intelligent, interesting women. It was alot of fun just to drift from conversation to conversation, taking more than I gave most of the time. It looks like this will become a monthly event and I'm very excited.

Wonder of wonders, got up at 6 a.m. (defying my set pattern of sleeping woefully late on Sundays) and went for a walk. I went to Pappa's and had the most delicious breakfast...they have hash browns AND home fries..AND homemade biscuits. Told the waitress she was my new best friend...lol Afterward, went down to the beach and sat reading and intermittantly petting the attention seeking pups who would meander over my way. It was just a wonderful morning. And NOW to decide....sleep more, watch a movie, do some housework??? Nah, housework can wait....

Diana is pissed. She wasn't amused that one of the partygoers (coincidently HER friend) found out I had brownies at home and went all gaga over it. Diana abhors my "talk of drug use" and it always ends up creating issues for us. So why don't I just stop? Because sadly, I only feel that I emerge as myself freely when I am a little buzzed. Call it self medication, call it drug abuse, call it whatever you like but I definitely feel the inner creative side come out, seek out learning experiences, appreciate nature more, and even relate better to others around me under the influence. Diana definitely benefits from the effects as well, I am calm, easygoing, just much nicer. But it continues to be a sticking point between us. She always feels she has to control things. I can picture her reading the last line and issuing an ultimatum as I write. Why does it have to be this way.

Of course it DOESN'T have to be this way. I could walk. Right on over to Mom's house. Not the ideal. I do love Diana. But right now I don't like her very much. The eternal having to be right, not willing to see things from any other point of view but her own....her resistance to realize that alot of people enjoy occasional cannibis or at least aren't even remotely freaked out by ANOTHER who does. Nobody is going to call the brownie police and report our home. Nobody thinks I'm a junkie lying in the gutter with a needle hanging out of my arm. It's JUST pot. Fucking stuff should be legal. God knows I'm alot happier as a stoner than a drunk. I can get real mean when I drink. Violent. The most violent I get while stoned is attacking a burger..lol Everything is in technicolor rather than black and white. Why WOULDN'T I want to partake.

Some would argue that this is not the real me, this is not reality. Well, I'd like for it to be! It's a much nicer reality than reality. I just keep thinking if I practice...one day it might BECOME my reality. Maybe one day I'll relax enough on my own, let go of all the inner chatter and insecurities to let it BE my reality. In the meantime, I guess it's going to continue to be a jockeying for power with Diana. Or a reason for her to once again, kick me out.

I can see the buzzards circling across the lake. It so intrigues me that they are almost ALWAYS there. How many dead things could there be in those woods, that they continuously come back? Or are they eating snakes, other small live things? I read that if a buzzard dies, no other creature including another buzzard will eat it. Very interesting. And wingspans can reach 6 feet. I have never been a fan of these less than beautiful, road kill devouring birds, but learning more about them has been fun.

Discovered a really nice set of trails not far from the house. One leads to a 70/80 foot drop off overlooking Spruce Creek. Plan on checking that out later this afternoon. But for now....some good old fashioned laziness!

 

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