8:36 p.m. - 2009-12-29
New Years Contemplation
I'm sitting here listening to some good music and contemplating the new year. I thought I'd write some of the things I'd like to see happen in my life in 2010. Maybe writing it down, and revisiting it from time to time will keep me focused on my goals.
I want my relationship to be renewed and have a fresh start for the new year. I want to be loved and love freely without judgement. I want to be appreciated for my strengths and gently reminded of my weaknesses so that I can objectively evaluate and make positive changes rather than react from defensiveness. I do want to work on the weaknesses.
Having said that, should my relationship not continue....I want to be able to explore myself and secure for myself the life I deserve. I have spent too much time waiting for someone else to make me happy. It's time I got off my arse and did some work myself!
I want to live more in the moment. I've been working on this, and have made progess, but have a long way to go. I constantly get reminders of how tentative life is. Every day MUST count....not matter how challenging.
I want to be impeccable with my word. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. I want to temper my words with careful evaluation and resond in a respectful and fair way.
I want to be respected. I deserve that and I will settle for nothing less.
I want to grow. I want to seek opportunities where I can help make a difference, even in the smallest way. You never know what a small kindness can mean to someone else, or might indirectly lead to your OWN emotional bounty.
I want to be more active in my children's lives. I don't want to be my mother, giving money because she didn't know how to show her love in any other way. I want my kids to know that they are very special to me and I am proud of their accomplishments and stand with them in their times of turmoil, ready to help in any way I can.
I want to find a church where I can worship and be comfortable. I know from my past experiences that a spiritual connection warms the soul like nothing else. No drug can provide the joy that a daily life involved in thankfulness and respect for a higher power can. I KNOW that. I've lived that. I will make an honest effort to find that connection again.
I want to take better care of myself. I have played Russian Roulette for too long with this body that is only as good as the maintenance offered to it.
Wow, looking over this list, it seems like alot to overcome and accomplish. But I also want to set goals and I'm stepping out and setting some good ones.
I wish everyone a happy, healthy, joyous New Year!!!
