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9:34 p.m. - 2009-12-22
Twas three nights before Christmas.....
It's a wonderfully clear night tonight. I just came in from a long walk, enjoying the lights, the smells in the air, and the beauty of all the stars shining so radiantly! It's been a long while, and my body was talkin' to me a little, but I enjoyed my time outdoors. I've had little of it these days.

Had a long talk with myself tonight. Reminded myself that I am the writer of my script. Thoughts I have, are only as powerful as I let them be. I need alot of work in the "living in the moment" area but tonight....I just let it be and let things go...

I thought of Diana, imagining her on the floor with Nicky and Joey....helping her mother with food, and just enjoying the togetherness of the holiday season. She's so lucky to have grown up in a family where togetherness is actually anticipated, not avoided.

I enjoyed listening to music while driving home from Mom's where I deposited her "granddog" for the next few days. It wasn't pretty in the beginning. Maggie immediately began to bare her teeth, snapping at Mom. Even treats would not coax her too much from her stubborness. I finally left, giving her the opportunity to truly grasp the reality of her choices. She can either warm up to Mom, and hope for a possibly bed buddy....or she can be a little bitch, and spend the night in her cold cage. I'm betting on the cage tonight, but hopefully by tomorrow she'll be snuggled up to Mom and feeling more at home.

Work has been frantic, but much lighter today than yesterday. I was not the picture of holiday cheer, but not a grinch either....somewhere in between. I will be very happy to see tomorrow come to a close, and begin my vacation up north with Diana. We may go into the city on Sunday and I'm pretty excited about that. It's been a couple of years, and it would be fun. We con't fly back til around 9 p.m. on Sun. so there's time, if weather permits. And then there's the frenzied day after Christmas shopping excursion. I remember the last trip, snapping pics on the phone of the gang with four carts in tow....lol Up at 6 and on the run most of the day.

Diana surprised me with a new laptop last night. Lord knows mine is on the way out, but I never expected to get one for Christmas! Diana LOVES Consumer Reports and got me the best one for the money, I'm sure. I'm just happy to hav it, and enjoying typing without the jumpy erasing problems I was having with the other one.

Darlin' loves her ring. It's beautiful and looks great with her new nails. Her hair is growing quite long, and I love it that way. Seeing her smile more these days etches the memory of her sweetness in my mind. I would never have thought we could make this progress so quickly. There are still bumps in the road...times when she doubts me, but this time I'm in it for the long haul. I'm through ditching relationships because I get bored, or need someone to pump up my ego. I have in Diana, someone who loves me more than I have ever been loved before. When I truly, truly feel I am worth this love, when I have walked through a little more of my healing and self improvement....I am sure that I will be able to make her feel just as loved. I never could leave her....I just couldn't. She's always there...in my heart and my head. And for the rest of my life, by my side.

I guess I should get some rest. It's going to be a busy couple days. Flight out at 7 a.m. on Thursday, then off to the "Big Fat Italian Christmas Eve"..lol around 20 people, one festive house, and tons of food. Hoooorahhhh...

And the diet starts January 1.

Honest.

 

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