8:12 p.m. - 2009-12-04
Life Don't Get Much Better Than This
I'm BUZZED.
It's kind of a shame I have to be stoned to feel this way. To appreciate things in a very open and honest way. Isn't there a way STRAIGHT to appreciate, observe, enjoy things in this manner?
I went out for a drive. It's dreary and wet so I didn't venture out too far. Just far enough. Came back home and now I'm enjoying the ambiance of our back porch. I am depleting the oxygen level back here, so many candles are lit. It's breaktaking. Diana bought a burning bowl and it's flames are dancing almost in unison (or is it just me??) to the strains of the Six Feet Under soundtrack, one of my absolute favorites. I'm torn between taking in the sparkling beauty of the outside area or the soft glow from the fireplace inside with the tree lights twinkling in the foreground so my eyes dance back and forth sweeping it all in. Diana did a fantastic job as usual of decorating. She has her beloved ceramics, Lenox Village, and stockings hung to and fro. It's just an incredibly warm and welcoming home and I'm so proud of it! We have managed through the storms to create a very beautiful, calming environment. With her cooking inside, the enticing aroma of freshly baked goods adds to the warmth. She just finished a pumpkin cheesecake for our weekend guests.
It's raining out, but I don't mind much. The sound of water beating on the earth melts away the stresses of the day.
"I Touch Myself" is playing now...What a stream of memories from that tune! It was such a hoot in Sedona belting out that one to pop my Karaoke cherry! And the memory of Diana and I on the bus in Europe entertaining the other passengers with it is also a fond one. God it feels good to be clear again. In going through it all, I just got so fucking lost.
"She's so High"....I remember walking every morning very early at the campground to that one. The oaks so beautifully draped with moss were nice to look at while walking. And I was totally intoxicated, couldn't wait for my baby to get here.
What the hell happened....
I keep telling myself to just look forward, but it's sometimes hard to move beyond it all. I feel like my brain took a holiday for 18 months. I am not even taking both prescribed antidepressants now, and don't notice any difference. Thank GOD....one less pill.
It was so funny the other night to be in the midst of other 50's and to be talking about our sags and bags. I had to stop and chuckle. I knew it would happen one day...I'd be like all the other geezers who compare blood tests and medications as routine conversation...but it's TOO DAMN EARLY to start now...lol That was a fun party though. I got to see so many people I haven't seen in a year or more. And Brad was as usual, a wonderful host. It was good to see Jeff and John too. Especially since Jeff brought "refreshments".
It's a damn good life. When I get bogged down in my negativity I need to be able to come back and read this entry and realize just how damn lucky I am to have all this. I can be such a brat sometimes! It's all new to me, this woman to woman relationship stuff. Hormones raging on BOTH sides can create interesting relationship interaction. All in all though, we're moving forward. I couldn't have dreamed that things could make this much progress this quickly. Diana is truly trusting me and it's a blessing I don't take lightly. I know it's not easy for her. She doesn't mind mentioning that she hopes I never have to go through what I put her through, and I fully understand that. I hope I don't have to either.
I will finish this entry with today's "Tidbit from the Window". I thought the best one was the guy who put an extra piece of a stamp on a letter because he "didn't know how much the increase was". This one I think tops that one....
This guy walks up...nice normal looking fellow. He hands me a piece of paper that reads "I cannot speak" and follows with a written list of what he needs from the post office. I busied myself gathering the requested items, and guessed he must be deaf. As we finished the transaction, I decided to sign to him "Deaf?". His completely audible reply...."I can speak, I just prefer not to". You coulda knocked me over with a feather. He continued.."Customer service is on the decline....I find I get much better service this way". I passed the customer service test, he told me, thankfully..lol He said that he was writing a book called "Silent Ministries" and went on about kids not talking any more, texting so much of the time. It was a real surprise to find out my "deaf" friend was really a hearing man looking for a loophole out of the haphazard customer service these days.
I feel that most days I am a pretty good customer service rep. Yesterday though, the Eldon came out in me. We were closed and this Lil Ol Lady comes up and asks if she can just buy some stamps. When it's 5, it's 5. We have deadlines and if you start it with one, it just snowballs. So we're very firm. She muttered something under her breath about being a taxpayer along with "go to hell" and I just couldn't stop myself from the response. "Good for you". "Good for you". Damn, I need to work on that....having the last word thing. Remember: Agreement 2....Don't Take Anything Personal. I recently read "The Four Agreements." Good book. Remembering, and following are the hard parts.
Well, guess I'll wrap this up. I'm gonna move in soon and watch the last episode of Nip Tuck from season 5. We're almost caught up. Such a guilty pleasure....and it just gets sillier and sillier but we LOVE IT! Can't believe we got suckered into "V" and watched without realizing there were no more episodes until March now..lol
Should be a great weekend with Rachel and Patti. I hope they enjoy our home and hospitality.
