9:36 p.m. - 2009-11-02
Crazy?
How do you face the fact that most of your life has been a series of screw-ups? Especially difficult when you hear it (sort of) through your kid?
Christa told me tonight that her new hubby's mom him that she was destined to end up like me....(since they found out she had been taking Xsnax) I asked Christa just exactly "like me" meant.
"You know, crazy" was her answer.
Crazy. I guess I can't argue with that. Three husbands, one wife, and the last 18 months spent bouncing back and forth between two women and numerous near nervous breakdowns....doesn't sound too sane does it??? But it still hurt. The only bright spot was the way my son came to my "rescue". He talked me down all the way back to his house, reminding me that I shouldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks....I'm getting my life together again, and happy, and I need to move forward. God Bless Him....and how mature he's becoming. I should be grateful the moment happened and I had a chance to see him in this light, to see his loyalty. After all we've been through, it was huge.
I had a crazy night this week, I have to admit. I was upset that Diana was still persecuting me over things and got stinking drunk. SOOOOOO drunk that I remembered NOTHING about what happened for most of the night. I threw a few punches, woke up with no underwear on (later found out I stripped down at some point). I cried, I laughed...and I divulged some secrets...lol
The next morning I asked Diana if I gave away any deep dark secrets and she said "Oh yeah....you told me about "Pet the Manatee".....and "name that smell". Watching Diana imitate me, all dry mouthed and saying (in between saying "I'm SO dry...") "Want to hear something incredibly fucking disgusting???" was hilarious and at the same time mortifying. I also told her that SHE was not a manatee, only a dolphin..lol So now we have new names for each other...she is Flipper...I am Rae (female version of Sting Ray). I won't elaborate....but it brings a chuckle every time.....
Again I ask myself....what WAS I thinking....as I count my blessings once again....
As horrific as the night was at times....with all the acohol consumption....I think we put a period at the end of the sentence. I believe now the persecution will end. I got a beautiful bunch of roses the next day and I just have the feeling that it's going to be easier from this point on.
Starting to make plans to take on California in March. I'm so excited to be taking Zach on a vacation. I never dreamed we'd have this chance again now that he's nearly grown. Thought taking a trip with mom would be too uncool for him. I guess I underestimated him....and he seems to be warming up to Diana really well.
Going to a festival this weekend a few hours away. THIS time in a cabin. Good music and friends....should make for a good time. And NO alcohol this weekend....I've had enough to last for a very long time.
Also contemplating going to NJ for Christmas. I SO want to experience the Italian family Christmas Eve. An overflowing house with lots of family and food... We are supposed to close early on Christmas Eve so it could happen. I sure hope so....I hate spending Christmas alone.
