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7:21 p.m. - 2009-09-19 We went to her room, but she wasn't there. We looked in the dayroom, she wasn't there either. Then we spotted her sitting quietly at the end of the hallway, looking outside to the world she could see so easily, but couldn't quite touch. Her hair was brushed, but it looked greasy...I felt bad for her. She sat facing another resident, Sarah. Sarah was a sport. She was smiling and gesturing and blowing kisses to other residents as they made their way down the hall. She was truly a breath of fresh air. We engaged Gigi in conversation, pulling Sara in as well. She was quite hard of hearing so we had to lean close to her ear to talk to her. "I'm waiting for the train", Gigi said. We asked her where she was going on the train and she answered, "Home". She talked about how long she had to wait for it, and how there used to be benches there to sit on, that were no longer there. "Home" was Espanola, a place that hasn't been home to her for about 15 years. As Diana and I struggled to keep some conversation going, we were joined by Miz Emily. Miz Emily was from Jamaica and Miz Emily was dead set on HER place by the window, now occupied by Gigi. I knew Gigi wouldn't mind so I moved her over by Sarah and Emily took her favorite spot, right in the corner, facing outside. In just a few minutes, she began to wail. "LEGACY....ain't no place to put Legacy. Legacy is HELLBOUND. Marching up to Jesus, he gives us JOY, LOVE, and PEACE in our souls." Sarah was enjoying this and began to clap her hands and gesture with closed fists like "You go girl" to Emily. An occasional halleluiah csme out as well. Diana and I were losing it. Emily continued...."Put me to sleep at night and wake me in the morning in HEAVEN where I will be with you forever and ever...AMEN." Gigi didn't know quite what to think about all this, but Sarah continued to cheer her on, and leaned forward to extend a hand and hold Emily's, introducing herself. It was so cute. I hope Sarah is around the next time we visit. I told Gigi she needs to hang out with her, she's a good role model! We stayed a little over an hour, taking Gigi outside for a bit. She was pretty confused, thought she'd already eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We parked her near the nurses station to wait for lunch. "Why don't you eat with me, then we can all leave together?" she said. "No Gigi, we didn't pay for lunch, and they aren't prepared for us." I replied. "We're going to go now, and soon you'll get your lunch." We kissed her goodbye, and left. I wonder what goes on with her during all those hours she spends there. She doesn't watch television. She is kind of afraid to meet people because she says she doesn't know what to say to them. It was funny...Sarah blew her a kiss and we told her to blow Sarah one back. "YOU blow her one" she said. Touchy-feely she's definitely NOT! Oh, and the other really funny thing....when Emily was wailing about going to sleep and waking up with Jesus in heaven, Gigi muttered "It isn't that easy!!!". That's my grandmother...always SO positive. Two weeks til our next visit. We'll see what interesting people we meet next time. Meanwhile we are leaving for Puerto Rico on Tuesday. We stay until Sunday and have a couple of excursions planned. Looking forward, somewhat apprehensively to it. Some of my trips have been turned into nightmares with depression issues. I hope that I make it through this one without having to face that. I'm sure Diana does as well. She's told me that she wants me to either move in totally and give up my place, or live there. She's tired of paying extra utilities and food while I pay for a place that I'm not using. I believe I am going to live there. There have been shaky days lately, and I don't feel secure enough to give up the condo. So maybe I will get that alone time my therapist says I need so badly after all....
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