8:22 p.m. - 2009-08-26
The TRUE definition of insanity
Here I am, going back over old entries and being quite ashamed that my life hasn't moved much over the last year. I am still unhappy. I am living with Diana for all practical purposes but she wants me gone. Why I stay is a mystery. Fear of being alone? Memories of the good times that fade a little more every day?
Last therapy session Diana accompanied me. She spent the bulk of the session bashing me while I sat there looking like a dork, saying nothing. She told Cindy she can't name one good quality of mine. She told me that she would never trust me again. I felt as if I were outside looking in, had no place in the room. What the fuck am I doing staying in this relationship? Why do I cry every time she tries to force my hand and push me away, until she retreats and lets me stay.
It's no wonder I have been reduced to nothingness. I am a shell. THe life that was Kim, is gone. I smile politely when necessary, make small talk, and then crawl back into my little world. I have no real interests or hobbies. I have few friends.
OH, but I do have a condo I'm renting that I haven't spent more than a dozen nights in 2 1/2 months.
What is it going to take to get me going in the right direction? Near death experience? Diana picking me up physically and putting me in the car along with my belongings? God only knows.
