6:56 p.m. - 2008-11-02
Drumming Weekend
I just got home from the drumming weekend. It was an interesting gathering, one of the largest yet and we met some nice people.
I have continued to slip deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what the answer is. I don't know if I need to be alone (here we go again) or if being with Diana is the answer. I am not happy. The change in weather/time also puts me into a tailspin so I bought a natural light to try and help with that somewhat. I am sinking fast. I will call the Dr. tomorrow and see what they suggest. I am so fucking tired of these ups and downs. I want to be normal again. I realize now that Craig may have truly been the one that really had the ability to satisfy most of my needs not that i regret leaving that much or wish to have him back (although that isnot even a possibility) I am afraid losing Diana will be another huge mistake. I just don't know which way to turn..... but I'm driving her crazy, along with myself.
