5:53 a.m. - 2008-10-24
Getting back my sanity
Life is beginning to return to a state of normalcy. Real normalcy. It feels good. I have been two weeks without contact with Kim. Di has been two weeks without contact with Stacey. Things are working. I know it's hard for her to lose a friend she's had for so many years, but the therapist said that her running to Stacey for what I couldn't give her emotionally was a kind of affair of it's own. It makes sense. I struggled for a few days, thinking alot about Kim, but every day gets easier. I know in my heart that things would not have been lasting there. It SHOULD have been just a friendship. At least as long as I still have this much love for Diana, my heart cannot move on for anyone else.
We have been doing the things we enjoy. We have entertained, tried new recipes, fished a whole lot. We are planning a picnic with my kids on Saturday. I can tell from the best barometer that things are good that I have.....I forgot to take my Xanax yesterday until around 10 a.m. In the past, I've jumped for the bottle upon rising.
People say that we're just afraid to be alone, that we're clinging to each other for fear of that. I don't buy it. I say there are tons of memories packed into the two years, and tons of good ones. The past five months have been hell, and have certainly taken their toll, but I see real rebuilding beginning. Trust CAN be regained. To further illustrate that....Diana has not checked up on me, snooped into any of my records/documents during this two week period. She knows I'm really committed this time. She doesn't feel the need.
We are going to the drum circle next weekend and taking the kayaks. It's going to be held on the Suwannee River. I can't wait. As we re-create the bonds we lost, this is a new chapter in our adventures. A new life emerges, with old memories, and new lessons. I know we can make it.
