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10:04 p.m. - 2008-07-16
New Beginnings
Well, don't know what I'm doing here cuz I'm tired as hell....but felt like doing a little writing. I can hear the rain really coming down outside, it's kind of nice. I originally planned to cook for a friend but instead ended up going out to Rosario's, a wonderful Italian eatery, for dinner instead. It was very good, but too stuffed for dessert and wondering how long it would take for my misery to subside...lol I planned to do laundry tonight, but we ended up talking afterward for quite a while. So laundry will have to wait til tomorrow. I go to see the kids tomorrow, then on Friday another friend is coming over to cook for me.

I'm keeping busy this week. After the whirlwind of friends activity then I'm spending 4 days with my daughter in Wisconsin. Going to see her ultrasound and see if we can pin down the sex of this second grandchild of mine.

In the romance department....I've decided (after much advisement from almost ALL the people I've talked to about it...make that ALL the people) that I need some time to be alone. REALLY alone. Not back and forth, jerking both to and fro. I know I can do this, although in the past I've not been able to. Because now, it's getting tiresome. It's getting very defeating to see these two people I love torn with my indecision. I hope for clarity, although I'm not sure how that will come. I'm spending time in prayer, looking deep inside myself. And I won't make a move toward anything definite until I am reasonably SURE that this is what I want. MY LIFE. My heart. And the person I give it to, has to have it all. So if that takes weeks, or months, that is what I have to do. I have not had any time to be alone, ever. I have not had to face the loneliness of sleeping alone, being in an empty home, or worrying about my saftey. My new apt. is really shaping up to be a reflection of all I wanted it to be. I am very happy with it and that is a strong point. I am delighted with my ability to take charge of my life and be in control. I have issues, I deal with them. I work with my finances and find bargains. I am able to do this...and I had times when I wondered if I would really be able to. I know now that I can.

Man its coming down out there. I contemplated going for a pack of cigarettes....but I'm not going out in this. Besides...I really do need to get to sleep. I have a busy day again tomorrow.

Onward and upward. The quest continues.

 

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