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9:31 p.m. - 2008-07-08 Living on my own now. That part isn't a mess. There are many other parts that are and I don't want to go into it but I'm ok. I'm going to survive this. I know that. But it's very difficult to think clearly right now. Hoffman was amazing. I haven't implemented much because of all that's been going on, but for now my main entries are going into a diary that is private. It is just too painful to write here. When I get my head on straight, I'll be back. Place is nice. Found an apt steps from the river for a really reasonable price and it had been renovated to brand new condition including stainless appliances. I am very fortunate. Someone is looking out for me because I'm not looking out for myself. More later when i am up to it. Oh, and happy to say, I am off ALL substances, so at least my thoughts, as hard as they are to deal with at time, are real. I don't miss it at all. Have wanted to take a drink, but even that has no real pull. I hope I can keep this up. I really want to feel life, in real time. If I can't though, I'm willing to join AA or NA. So far, though, it's been ok, and believe me, I've had some trials. Just pulled up my pictures file and saw a picture of Diana, smiling so beautifully when she got the email that she would be coming down to be with me. God, why do I do this to myself......
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