10:40 p.m. - 2008-05/31
Almost time to stop for the night....
10:40 p.m. We�re in Marietta and once again had to visit the Marietta Diner. Just as before, great food, and great service. I tried the seafood bisque and was not disappointed. Gyro afterward followed by the biggest damn piece of (fabulous) cheesecake I�ve ever seen for $4.50. We�re gonna drive about another hour or so and stop for the night. That should put us back home around 3 or so tomorrow afternoon with plenty of time to settle down before work again on Monday.
I�m jones�n for a brownie. I really do have a problem with it. Its going to be hard to give it up, even if it�s temporary. Which it probably shouldn�t be. I feel that I�m not nearly as creative when I�m not a little buzzed. Excuse??? I don�t think so. I feel much freer when I�m not straight. But I need an effective eval on the meds so I need to let it go at least until I can try that route.
The ride so far hasn�t been too bad. I�ve been pretty quiet. Lots of thinking. Di has softened since this morning. It�s up and down for her. I asked her if our �distraction� had not come into play what percentage she felt she would have been able to stay with me forever. She said 100%. Now she feels about 40%. She�s afraid. Afraid to lose me, afraid of what this might do to us in the long run. I�m afraid too. I�ve NEVER been faithful. NEVER. I want this to work. I know she�s everything I could hope for in most every way. And the sex is good, oh so good. The other night it was hilarious�.Bob comes in and we�re grabbing for covers and he knocks and then waltzes in and starts up a conversation (not noticing the hesitation to let him in until we were �decent�). He asked us if we wanted him to turn off the blue screen on the tv (our �mood lighting�..lol) and we said NO! We had KD Lang on the IPOD�.I mean how much plainer could it be??? All at once he caught on and sheepishly says OHHHHHHHH�..Sorry�.OHHHHH and backed out with us just rolling with laughter in the bed in front of him. So funny.
Bob has so much to be happy with, but lacks the thing that would make his life complete�.a partner. Someone to share his beautiful surroundings with, his laughter, his devotion. I wish he could find someone but I�m sure being HIV positive holds him back significantly. I just wish everyone could be happy, have someone to appreciate them. I�ve always been so lucky to find love without much effort. That could change I guess�.if I don�t make the commitment this time last. One day I might be that person�.the person I feel so much empathy for.
I�m thinking a lot about my trip to California. It�s going to be so wild. 8 days with no contact with anyone I know and love. 8 days with strangers, although I�m sure it won�t take me long to make them friends. After the �process� we are supposed to stay in isolation for the next two days to ease back into life as we know it. I�m debating staying in CA, or coming back to Florida�.maybe going to St. Augustine to a condo we like to visit. I think being on the ocean would offer me a place to be at peace, and mull over all that I�ve learned about myself. Or I might follow the suggestion of one of the gals from Hoffman I spoke with and stay downtown where some of the others will be staying, so that we can continue to help each other and bond. Whatever the outcome, I�m sure this is going to be an experience I�ll never forget.
We�re driving through Atlanta now�.how beautiful it is at night. Traffic is pretty hairy though. It�s a totally different look than it was in the a.m. the other day. God, that was a week ago�.doesn�t seem like it.
A lot happened in our lives this week. I like to think that we�ve survived the worst between us. Only time will tell.
Finshing the night off with a little Tina Dico. I do love the song Sacre Couer. (and the entire CD, as a matter of fact�it�s beautiful) It takes me right back to Paris, strolling the streets, finally finding Sacre Couer and being totally enthralled. When I hear this song�.I think of how Paris changed my life�and how I nearly changed my whole life again over the past weeks. It�s a song that is very touching in melody as well as very thought provoking.
�I could go home to my love, and live the life I always wanted, or I could go on running off into the night lonely and haunted� (God songs do mirror our lives)��� �And the sad thing is I don�t know which I prefer�.as I sit here and watch the sunset at Sacre Couer.� Emotions are what keep our lives from being run of the mill�.but sometimes they can really take you on a wild ride��.
