10:30 a.m. - 2008-05-24
Hangin Tough
Saturday morning.. 10:30. I am not sure where we are but I see rolling hills ahead so I would guess we�re closing in on Tennessee. We�re hooked up with XM 80�s and it�s a NO SLOW weekend so the music is all upbeat. Still, upbeat doesn�t help at times when the lyrics revolve around subject matter that tears at wounds that are still raw. Just listened to Rick Springfield�..�I�ve done everything for you, you�ve done nothing for me.� Ouch.
I am extremely selfish. I�m sure that comes as no surprise to those of you who have read this for some time. I ALWAYS put myself first. There, I said it. And I�m NOT proud.
There was ONE time when I was able to put this on the back burner and become a person who felt great when I saw my reflection in the mirror. A period when I was so dedicated to GOD (SAVED BY THE GRACE, full blown, born again, the whole nine yards). And it felt so good to be able to lay my head on the pillow and sleep peacefully at night.
I�m not sure when I things began to change. I want to sleep well at night again. I want to be able to say again, if I died right now�..NOT that I�d be receiving my glory in heaven, but I�d be able to know that I wouldn�t leave a string of unfinished business behind me.
Last night was incredibly hard. We had a great ride until the last hour. Exhaustion was really setting in, we�d talked almost non-stop the whole trip and suddenly things got quiet. Tears, more talking, more quiet. This isn�t going to be easy. It�s a big thing to repair damage this huge. I am totally committed to looking deep inside myself for the keys to open the doors I need to open and close the ones I need to close. But it�s real hard to convince someone that is the case when you�ve lied so many times so many different ways.
We are almost to Chattanooga. Di is singing �Kiss� and sounds like she�s on pretty solid ground today. Last night was real tough. I�m glad things are brighter today. Last night she felt very homesick and all I could do was promise her things were going to get better. But I have to be totally honest with her, and she has to be with me as well. That is the ONLY way this will work.
I feel a little wrecked. We drove til after 1:30 and then stopped at the Motel 6. Can�t say I�ve EVER stayed at one, and not looking forward to another, but it served our purpose. While Di was checking in, I plugged in our first destination �The Marietta Diner� (as seen on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives) and was THRILLED to see that we were only 2 miles away.
We got to the diner at about 8:30 and it was fabulous beyond my expectations. Kinda pitiful to get so worked up about food, huh�.and I WONDER why I can�t get this weight off�lol The place was quite large and not so busy so luckily we got right in. I talked with the hostess and she told me that they are always busy, hadn�t noticed a huge influx since the TV spot, but within an hour they would already have a wait list. You can get ANYTHING on the menu 24 hours a day so we had our favorites (gyros/spanikopita) at 8:30 in the morning�lol While we waited on our order, I looked at the articles, pictures of Guy Fietti (?) (my hero! I want that job�.) and was totally blown away by the array of sweets including a cheesecake higher than any I�ve ever seen before. There must have been 50 different desserts. Cakes start at $50 and range to $150, but they were a sight to behold. I�ve had dreams about a place like this before, but never knew it existed. (this is really sad isn�t it�..am I a foodie or what????) I bought a t-shirt and talked with the mother of the owner. She was quite proud of her son, and I asked her all about Guy�s visit. She said he came in on Sunday, was only supposed to be there until 3 p.m. but ended up staying until midnight. I asked if he was as fun as he looked on tv and she said yes, that he enjoyed the food and her son and was a real blast. What a trip. I had so much fun there, that if we didn�t see another thing this trip would be worth it.
So we�re on the way to Bob�s. I called and he�s anxiously awaiting our arrival. . We just crossed the Tenn. Line. Mountains are getting highger and higher, 18 wheeler is fishtailing in front of us, and my stomach is lurching with the turns. Time to close for now.
Deep breath, eyes wide open�.one day at a time.
Diana says, "I can�t breathe deep right now�.my lungs are so smoke filled and I�m so full of food."
That�s my girl.
