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1:30 a.m. - 2008-05-25
Kentucky Woman
Once again, pushing beyond reasonable limits. We just got home from a party. Bob's friend down the road had a nice gathering of friends with band, keg, and lots of food. I haven't attended anything similar in years. It was great. But we're so so tired and even though the driving was easy, it WAS 13 hours.

The band was pretty good and I was able to dance to a couple of tunes with Bob and another fellow who asked me. It was nice. Weather is beautiful, sky is clear and music was good. Keg wasn't bad either. It was a nice experience.

My hesitation to reunite with my friend was immediately put to ease. We picked up where we left off so many years ago and had a great talk this afternoon. Bob is just "good people" and he's very comfortable in his own skin, a trait I'm extremely envious of. He has a beautiful place, lots of animals, and a love of life that is refreshing. He has been through more shit than most people I know and has come through it most victoriously. I could probably save the money on the retreat in California and just spend a couple of weeks with him to clear my head.

It's been another tough night. I had two posts that I've been unable to put up because I wrote them in the car on the way up. But tonight, even as tired as I am, I must come to this forum to get the feelings out that I am unable to express anywhere else. I just can't put Diana through it any more. I don't know if she wants honesty, or she just wants to hear what she wants to hear. The facts are that I am totally dedicated to following through with my promise to be faithful. I am committed to seeing things through and giving this my best shot. But it ain't easy. For either of us. Every glance I take that looks the least bit uncertain, makes her wonder where my head is. And I am going through some emotion regarding the distance I will have to place between myself and my "mistake". I know this is necessary, but it's still hard for me. Kim was a friend. She was a bright light at times, an ear at others. I will miss her. I know this takes time. I am willing to wait because the reality is that we have both talked about the truth that if there is in fact a REAL friendship it will be there when the healing process is over. But everyone wants their pain to end NOW. Waiting is not fun. Pain is not pleasant. The reality is that this had the potential to be a very good friendship and it was dirtied by the careless emotions of two adults who acted less than adult under the circumstances.

I had a beautiful time at the party. I talked with some of the locals, wondered at times if I was a little much for these laid back folks. I tried to have restraint...but I am just me...lol. The beer was cold, the conversation good and the stars were freakin awesome.

More later. Gotta get those posts from the car up tomorrow...if time permits. As always, the adventure continues....

 

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