9:16 p.m. - 2008-05-13
Buzzed and Bumps in the Road
Ahhhhh....
A little windy, but still a very nice night. I've managed to get the music to just the level so as to soothe me, without causing the neighbors any grief. I'm mildly buzzed, and enjoying tonight.
I get alot of grief about being a near 50 year old woman and still engaging in recreational drug use. If my son knew, I'm sure he'd not be happy. Diana tolerates it, reluctantly because she says it "Makes me nicer." Yeah, it does.
It totally stops the constant spin of the gerbil wheel. Period.
It also, however, makes me....well, not ME. The stoned Kim is a much different gal. My therapist doesn't think that's a good thing.
I say, whatever makes this world a little more peaceful, me a little kinder, and fuels the grocery industry when I get the munchies....can't be a bad thing..lol
Still, I'm sitting her half un-engaged because I'm wondering if Diana will tire of me slipping back into more writing time, alone time. That was the beginning of the end with Craig and I. I think, despite the very intense ups and downs we have, we will survive. Balance, that's the ticket.
Recently, having gotten carried away with some feelings I couldn't sort out for a while, I could have lost this girl. As we worked this evening out in the yard together, it felt so good to be working as a team. Working on our beautiful home. Our sprinklers were a little, shall we say RESTRICTED....and needed some TLC. Afterward, we sat out by the lake, watching the sun set.
It really shakes me that I let myself, yet again, embark on a path that could have been sudden death for our relationship. How many times does this have to happen before I figure out what I'm seeking? After 3 failed marriages, and a relationship that has been a little rocky from the start I've got to put some serious thought into how I want my life to be. Either I get down to business with Diana and MAKE this thing work, or I'm damned if I'd get involved again. I think I could get along with myself as well as I've ever gotten along in a relationship....might be a road I want to try one day.
But for now.....I am staying the course. I believe we can be better than before. I've already seen a change in her, she's trying much harder to meet my needs. I feel a renewed affection and admiration for her especially in the light of her forgiveness. She is a truly, incredible woman. And makes me laugh so much. And adores me. And when those big brown eyes look up at me, I melt.
To think......
