10:37 p.m. - 2008-03-04
My Life, \"The L Word\"
Wow, haven't been on in a while, nice new look!
I've been dying to get on here and vent and now I'm sitting here wondering where to start....
It's been an interesting weekend, to say the least. I expected nothing less when I heard we were camping out with my gal's ex and her new girlfriend for three days. I was hopefully optimistic though, and was up for the challenge.
The first evening was great, after our 4 hour drive down to West Palm Beach. Our campsite was beautiful, and amenities good. We enjoyed a nice dinner out and campfire afterward. Things seemed to be headed in a fine direction.
The next morning we set out to snorkel and kayak. The weather was good, albeit a bit windy. Until Jen went overboard in her kayak things had gone pretty well. We were clumsily trying to get a picture of the four of us and after an obliging onlooker did finally watch us struggle long enough to volunteer to snap it, we got the shot. It's a beauty! Somewhere though, in the transition, Jen started to tip and take on water. I was outta there. I paddled away from the struggling remainder of my party thinking I'd only cause more damage if I stuck around clumsy as I am. I couldn't stop laughing though, even as she capsized. It was just hilarious. (Later evidenced in the picture NEVER to be seen in public, of the three of us during the mishap with me just outside the action, head thrown back with my mouth wide open just a 'howlin!)
For the duration of the evening and a good portion into the next morning, Jen constantly referred to the incident and my negligence, my fault, etc. I thought she was kidding, but began to wonder as it drug on. All this blended social interaction between ex's is all new territory for me. (I've since discovered it's not that uncommon amongst Lesbians along with the infamous Uhaul) I didn't know this girl at all. I sensed though, that it was probably just her awkwardness and her way of keeping the conversation going. If I were in her shoes, and in love with someone the way that I think she loves Stacey, the last thing I'd want to do is spend 3 days with the people who caused her so very much pain.
Still, we all tried. And then finally Diana confronted Jen about the comments.
Without going into a lot of detail, things went downhill from there. The "wrap-up" was Jen, Stacey and I in a convenience store saying I'm sorry's and hugging. And Diana sitting outside in the car, continuing to think of more reasons why Jen just isn't the right one for Stacey. Since we left them, there's been a lot of emotion, discussion, and re-examination of feelings. There are a lot of questions to be answered and I guess a start is our trip to the therapist tomorrow. We'll see where we go from there.
I'm just not used to all this drama. I look back sometimes and remember a simpler time but I was miserable then for other reasons. Through all the bumps in the road, I feel there are huge lessons to be learned. And I'm open to alot more these days, and taking things slower. Breathing deeper and appreciating the beauty around me. One day at a time.......
To give credit where due....we did have a lot of fun this weekend along with the issues. First night a fellow camper was twirling fire and that was pretty cool. Immediately following, an impromptu fireworks display broke out across the lake. We met some nice people in the campground, made me smile and think of my Daddy and how much he liked talking to all the friendly "neighbors" in the campgrounds of my youth. Saw some really beautiful birds, and scenery. Oh, and we found out just how low your tent will go to the ground without popping out of the stakes during near gale force winds...lol
