10:19 p.m. - 2006-12-24
Christmas Eve and Baby Watch
Christmas Eve. Certainly different from any I've ever spent before in my 48 years. My love has gone north to visit her family. My place is here, on baby watch with my daughter. So far, nothing....but we have had some good bonding time. It killed me to miss out on the trip to visit my new "family" but I knew it was the only thing I could do. Of course I'm excited and anxious to see Caden come into the world....but so torn to be away from Diana especially during the holidays. Still, it has reinforced just how deeply I love her. She is the best gift I could have possibly received this year.
It's been full of ups and downs. It has been far from easy. But the rewards of finding someone who (at the risk of using a very over-used cliche) completes me. Someone who makes me laugh like I thought I'd never laugh again. Someone who ignites a spark I thought long dead.
I didn't go to my family gathering this year. I think it was the first time, but my lovely sister Joni is still not speaking to me and I just couldn't risk the hurt and go knowing that she wouldn't want me there and there might be conflict. Instead, I think Christa and I will drive up tomorrow and visit my grandmother and mother. My grandmother is failing fast. It saddens me, but 88 years is a very long time to be on this earth. She says now that the only place she wants to go is to the cemetary. I imagine that trip isn't too far down the road.
Today is Christa's due date. Maybe a Christmas baby? I sure hope so. It would elimate the hassle at work should I have to leave suddenly.
Off to bed. Hopefully sweet dreams of my darling, and her return on Wednesday. It's been a very long couple of days and I have a few more to endure, but I know the homecoming will make it all worthwhile!
