7:26 p.m. - 2006-08-10
Ride the Roller Coaster
Move into my apt. on Saturday. At least my suitcases and I will. I'm not really too excited because it's just another place I'll be alone in for the time being. It's possible that Diana may be here as soon as next weekend....but I'm not totally sure. She's doing everything she can to get here as quickly as possible. I get so encouraged when I talk to her.
Having said that....it's been pretty rough inside my head lately. Seeing Craig hook up with another woman has caused me pain, as I knew it would. I am torturing myself with all kinds of thoughts about how this woman will be a better wife than I was....really show him love. I did such a poor job of that, at least over the last couple of years. I must admit life would have been much simpler had I just asked him to go to counseling instead of shutting him out and continuing to seek my own path. I was thinking today.....I never remember him being "moody".....he was always pretty laid back. God, how did he ever put up with me.
Yes, life was simpler. And safer. And I hope that's all that I'm anguishing over* I do love Diana. I do enjoy her bubbly personality, and the way we enjoy so many of the same things, and even MORESO together. I guess I'm just going through a whole range of emotions regarding leaving the old relationship behind totally....knowing that the door is definitely and finally closed. There's no turning back. So I need to focus on what I have before me....all the tremendous possibilities of spending my life with someone who adores me, and makes me feel like I'm so special. And the physical attraction is definitely there....SO there.....
So what am i feeling so shitty about....
(*compounded by the full moon this week and PMS of course....)
