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8:13 p.m. - 2006-04-04
Feeling a little bit \"off\"

First I have to shamefully retract the unkind comments I made regarding the two New Jersey gals. I was informed that New Jersey is one of the states where it is illegal to pump your own gas. I had no idea. My most humble apology to anyone I might have offended in the state of New Jersey.

Yesterday we had a myriad of weird customers, the highlight was two drunks in the lobby trying to track down an SSI check. Very amusing.

Today things were somewhat calmer but still busier than at the small office. There was an article in the local newspaper about the postal service doing a study to see if shifting our outgoing mail to Mid-Florida would workable. The postmaster assured us that it would not affect most of the regulars. The window is an especially safe spot for now so I won't worry about it too much. Might even be welcome, if I were forced to work out of town, because I might have to rethink my position on moving.

I'm feeling really boxed in these days. I had a confrontation with my mother on the phone a couple of nights ago. It was a really stupid argument, she was tired and so was I, and I should have just let it go.

I was telling her that as a last resort, I would write to Mary regarding the insurance money. I feel I could put things into words in such a way that would be accepted, and impactful. Mom immediately starts in with her negative chatter "YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME"....She just kept repeating it over and over as I tried to explain to her that we had nothing to lose. It pissed me off so bad. She is the queen of negativity, (and came by it quite honestly from HER mother) and I just wasn't in the mood for it that night.

I feel awkward about calling her after the last conversation. If I apologize for being somewhat jerky with her, (the conversation took a serious dive after the above issues and I ended up lambasting her about another issue while we were going at it)if I call her first, then I have to listen to her tell me how wrong I was. And I'm not ready for that either.

I probably should have moved away from here years ago. And now, with mom getting older, I feel I should stay. I can't even imagine going through all the stuff we went through with Dad, all over again with her. And if she dies before my grandmother, God help me.

Not a very upbeat evening for me so I'll close now and go work out.
Get out some of that pent up aggression.....haha

G'night


 

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