12:45 a.m. - 2006-02-04
Gone......but not forgotten....
The phone rang and the news was good. My father-in-law's surgery went well....things looked promising. Craig hung up the phone relieved that we could all get a good night's sleep. We'd been so worried about Gary, and having him so far away made things even harder.
I went to bed, happy that I'd be able to get at least 7 hours of sleep before going in to work at six-thirty in the morning. As I began to drift off I heard the phone ring again. I waiting, nervously straining to hear from the bedroom, and hoping that my worst fears would not be realized. I heard a yell, and then crying and that hope vaporized. I ran to my husband's side and comforted him the best way I knew how.
Shortly after the surgery, Gary had a stroke. At the same time I was experiencing the gut-wrenching pain of losing someone you love, I was also grateful that he died while most likely still under the effects of the anesthesia. He never knew what hit him. That's the best any of us can hope for. Craig and I sat together holding each other for hours, intermittantly adding our son to the circle.
Zach took it very hard. Although he hadn't spent alot of time with Grandpa, it didn't take alot of time with Gary to grow to love him. I'll never forget the first time Craig took me to meet him. Conversation came easily and he made me feel very welcome, despite the fact that I was not yet divorced from my second husband, and had left behind two children to be with Craig. I expected serious scrutiny. After lunch, he retreated to the bedroom and came out with a necklace in hand. He held it out to me and told me that it was one of Craig's mother's favorite necklaces and he wanted me to have it. It wasn't expensive, or even close to anything I would have chosen to wear at any point in my life, but it was a treasure of great worth knowing that I was deemed worthy to receive something that obviously held many memories for Gary. Gary lost Craig's mother when Craig was 17 to a reoccurence of breast cancer Both father and son were devastated. The dynamics of their relationship changed immensely, and things were never quite the same.
The day after Gary died, Craig drove to Tampa to pick up some things his father had at a former home. Gary left quickly 7 years ago to go to California and care for his mother. Alot of his stuff stayed behind.
Later when I came in from work, I found Craig and Zach in the middle of a heap of boxes, three trunks, and countless other items. What transpired over the next few hours was nothing less than amazing.
One trunk revealed letters, neatly placed among the other items, that were written between Gary and Bea while he was in the service. We found a cigarette case that held a small note Bea had written saying that she was indeed serious about accepting his proposal. There were wonderful old pictures of many we knew and some we did not. The funniest item was one my son presented to me with a smirk on his face asking "MOM, just what is THIS????" It was a ceramic made by a friend of theirs, and on one side it resembled a shrouded old man. Flip it around and it is a penis. We all got a good laugh over that one, and especially the revelation that Craig had known that item to be in their home for many years and had no idea what it was.
With each discovery I realized just how fortunate I was to have this link to a family that I had only heard about in stories told lovingly by my husband. We always made excuses as to why we couldn't get out to visit, but we found time and money to take other trips we wanted to take. Now my time to build my own memories with Gary had passed. Through my guilt, I was comforted by this last opportunity to know Gary and Bea thanks to their love and dilligence to preserve the past.
Craig got an email the other day from a buddy who practically grew up at their home. Mark wrote: "Your dad was a good man. He was the one who taught me to ride a bike, and make a plane that flew loops. The World will miss him."
Indeed, we will.
