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11:58 p.m. - 2005-09-16
-Happy Birthday to Me/Reflections on 47 years and more
Happy Birthday to me. 47 wonderful (?) years on this planet. It was a pretty damn good day if I do say so myself. Worked in HH....the quiet, homey office so that was nice....got two flower arrangements, balloons, brownies, a good hunk of cash, and oh....a little bag of weed from the deliverer of gifts from the main office. Yes, it was a fine day.

After work mom, Daughter #1, Zach, Hubby and I went out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It's a real cozy place with lights in the trees, soft music, etc...and some pretty good food. The food lived up to standard. The flies we had to fight off the food...quite another story. But after working hard to finish our entrees...we decided dessert would come from another of our fav restaurants.

After some fabulous treats, we all went our own way. Hubby and I walked and afterward I retreated to the porch to enjoy some of my "gift". Except for some great sex...this day was perfect.

I've been comsumed with selling on Ebay lately. I have gathered a few items at thrift shops and yard sales...and we've made a few bucks. It's fun so it's a hobby if nothing more...but I see potential for quite a bit more. I've been watching people come in the post office for years now selling their shit and I have only spent money buying it from them. Now I'm gonna cash in on a piece of the action. Hubby, of course beat me out easily with his first purchase and sale. A brand new Microsoft Office 2000, never opened. Got it for $2 and sold it in less than an hour for $80. Showoff!

Tomorrow there are about 14 sales I want to hit. It's really great because we can do it as a family activity and there aren't that many things the three of us agree on especially now that Zach has turned 13. His interests are far from ours. But he genuinely enjoys yard sales, and always has. He'd have to, to get up at 7 a.m. to go with us...

Speaking of Zach, and Ebay.....the other night I had some items out, getting them ready for shipping and my recently purchased book, "How to Tickle His Pickle" was lying on the counter. Of course he spotted it and held it up to me like a scolding parent asking me "Where did you get THIS?" As usual, when put on the spot, I did the only thing that came to mind in an instant.....Lie. I said "Oh, I picked that up at a yard sale" He continued the inquisition, with me weaving and bobbing until his father squelched him and told him it was none of his business.

So last night we had the opportunity to see a movie together, just the two of us and I decided it was time to have a little discussion.

I began with I need to talk to you about something...and without giving you details that will most likely make you want to throw up.....here goes. I lied to you. I bought the book. Your father and I love each other very very much, and after 15 years of marriage we still enjoy being with each other and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I also told him that many of the people I knew who had been married for that long, avoided sex, or endured it and I was grateful that I didn't feel that way. He didn't have anything to say except "I KNEW you didn't get it at a yard sale....I was at every sale you went to, and I NEVER saw anything like that there!" I felt good to have cleared the air and also had a good conversation with him about real life.

We enjoyed the movie. I debated taking him to see "The 40 Year old Virgin" but I also knew that most anything he could see, he's already seen on the channels he watches on tv. We laughed so much...there were moments of total hilarity and also those of awkwardness because subject matter was diving pretty deep for Zach's 13 year old, semi protected mind. But we had the theater to ourselves and it was great fun. And an opportunity to talk about some things we probably wouldn't have otherwise.

I watched a show on HBO the other night called "Confessions of a middle schooler" It was a documentary about where kids stand these days on issues like sex, drugs, peer pressure etc. It was almost unbelievable to me. Call me old fashioned, but hearing 13 year old girls talk about giving a blow job as casually as buying the latest cd is just a little mind blowing for this 47 year old gal." And talking about giving a "handy" and how great it was that they could give this pleasure to their boyfriends and didn't even have to have them look at their bodies or touch them. And the drugs, and the cruel treatment of those 13 year olds who were gay or lesbian. This world is moving way too fast for me. I know that Zach is somewhat out of the loop due to the group he hangs out with....the gifted kids. They are a breed of their own and I can't say I'm sorry he's a part of that group rather than the ones I saw on tv.

Daughter #1 is doing very well since the breakup with longtime beau. She seems to be finally getting comfortable with herself, and finding other things to occupy her time than being a mere shadow to another individual. She's lost about 25 pounds or so and is looking absolutely wonderful, and feeling as good. She's looking forward to graduating in May. THIS is the life I wanted for her and why I agonized watching the way she WAS living for 4 years.

Daughter #2 is having some financial problems and, like me, but like me WITHOUT antidepressants....she is freaking out over it. Her boyfriend has money to lend her but she feels like crap having to ask for it. I told her to lay out her options and decide what she was going to do. I cannot supplement what she makes, nor would she want me to. A second job? Babysitting, or asking around for cleaning jobs....selling on Ebay. There are options. Now is the time to explore them. Throwing a few dollars her way would do about as much as those 3000 pound bags of sand they were throwing into the levee breech the first few days in New Orleans. She needs to figure out how to get out of this herself.

We're going to Phoenix to see her in October. We're starting to make plans and will only be there 3 full days. One of those we plan to drive up to the canyon. Rosie, if you read this and you have any ideas for a couple of quick trips or must sees.....drop me a line and let me know. Mom decided at the last minute she DID want to go with us so I had quite the juggling act to get a flight for her that would somewhat correspond to our itinerary but amazingly....I found almost a perfect match. $100 more than our ticket, and $20 a night more on the room but she's thrilled. Nik is glad that she's coming too. She misses family.

I spent quite a bit of time today reflecting on my life, and what I have....A great husband...great kids especially considering "I" raised them!!! A good job....enough friends who care. So much to be thankful for. And I am.

OH, and incidently....I was surprised to find that after 15 years of good sex....there were still a few things to learn about "tickling the pickle" at least TWO of them were deemed HIGHLY ENJOYABLE by hubby! No wonder I had more watchers on that auction than any other and sold the book for nearly full price that I paid for it at the party!

 

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