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12:39 a.m. - 2005-07-31
Fuck the antidepressants
I'm up later than usual. I finally felt somewhat like my old self and had a strong desire to get on here and peck away.

Long day. We decided to take advantage of a child-free day and take a trip up to Jacksonville to a favorite restaurant of ours, PF Changs and do a little shopping. The meal wasn't good, the entree I ordered was really funky tasting and I asked for something else (fully expecting to pay for the "mistake", but desiring something I could actually enjoy). I was quickly brought something I felt more secure eating and they didn't charge me for the bold flavor adventure I'd taken that didn't pan out.

We did just a little shopping, and decided to go to a movie. It was pretty boring, but cutesy and Hubby enjoyed it more than I did. Sentimental sap! Been there, done that....should have known better. I just found it pretty much the same old stuff we've all seen so many times before, and from the same actors!

Son decided to spend the night so it was time for a little more creative playtime. I took a shower, donned only a short bathrobe and headed out to the pool deck for some fun.

Seated across from each other, we began caressing each other, kissing passionately, very passionately and everything was just feeling so very good. Hubby knelt for a little personal interaction while I gently stroked my nipples, beginning to pick up steam. Before long I could see that it was going to take some intervention if I was going to be able to have a full blown, total release orgasm. It had been a while and I wanted nothing less. So I took out one of my "mother's little helpers" and began to use it to increase the speed of the manipulation.

Nothing.

It's like I came to the edge of the fucking cliff and I was dangling there. And dangling. And dangling.

Fuck the antidepressants. And just when my body was beginning to level out and be normal again. Now what....continue to try of course, but expecting the same results I found with Paxil. I always said, "I couldn't come with a jackhammer" and "I couldn't have cried if my mother died". These are just not good side effects.

So giving up on all else, I pulled Hubby inside of me and we began thrusting with great intensity. It was great to feel him inside me, even though I never came. Just nice to be "one". I can't remember the last time. It's probably been weeks. I've had my head up my ass, tired, etc...and not to forget the ponies....(thanks for that one Rosie!).

So not a bad night all in all. We went for a swim, watched a little tv. Very little. Nothing worth a shit on. Did watch the previews for a new show on Showtime. Weeds. Looks like it will be really good. Of course it would appeal to me though..a show about a suburban widow getting by in her struggle by selling marijuana? what's not to like?.

I'm enjoying the music, sitting here with time to myself now. I really need more of that again. Didn't walk tonight since we were out so I swam hard for a good while. I love these times when son is away, but I know that all too soon he will be gone and a new chapter in my life will begin. Sometimes I think THAT time will be the best time and sometimes I am scared to death. Hubby and I have always been very close and compatible, but as of late I've been evolving into something that isn't much fun to be around for anyone. As I continue to grow that third head, I wonder how much worse things can get before I actually hit the high points of menopause. I hear it will get much worse. Or not. Seems like people either want to kill someone with their bare hands or they breeze right through it. I'd judge I'm not going to be a breezer.

God, this is great music. Carbon Leaf. Hippie music. I've discovered a channel on XM that is perfect for what I like. XM Cafe. I've discovered so many artists that I never heard before. Jack Johnson, Blue Merle, Glen Phillips, and so many others.

I think I'm going to slip out for another little bit and come back and write for a while. Or whatever. Hell, tomorrow is Sunday.....I can sleep in. Weather is supposed to be dicey in the afternoon but hoping to get outside and do a little yard work in the a.m. so not too late.

Just kissed Hubby goodnight. "Honey, even though I didn't slide in to home, it was a great ride"

Fuck the antidepressants.

 

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