8:23 p.m. - 2005-07-24
Who am I this week?
Just finished walking. It feels so good afterward, but it's so damn hard to drag my ass out the door. I only walked about 2 1/2 miles tonight.
Quiet weekend. Went to dinner/movie with Son. We had a nice time. We need to make sure we connect more frequently. I don't want our relationship to become estranged, the way daughter #1 is with me. I finally called her yesterday to suggest an outing for her "charge" on Tuesday and she was snotty as ever. Maybe I should say "guarded" but snotty is more accurate. It's so hard for me to understand the way she thinks because she's so much like her father and it reminds me how very lucky I felt to get a life away from him and his weirdness.
Today just hanging out, spending time in the pool, etc. I fell asleep around 3 and slept two hours. This Effexor is weirding me out but I've lost a few pounds and I'm encouraged by that. I'll look real great in the coffin huh? Seriously....it's the first time in a LONG time I've been at this weight and I have no appetite. Unfortunately, I have no appetite for sex either and that is discouraging. I read alot of posts on side effects from users and some of the comments were "Poison" and "worse withdrawal than from Oxycontin" (sp?) I hate to try another and now I'm afraid to stop this one because I have had those experiences where my head is spinning in a circle and I don't want to experience that again. I feel like a human guinea pig.
I do feel somewhat "detatched" from this drug. My mind has stopped racing with overthinking. I just kind of feel numb. Is that preferable to anxiety? I don't know. God help me if I ever have REAL issues to deal with such as an ailing parent to care for, loss of a child etc. I watch my co-worker take care of her father before his death, now care for her mother who has alzheimers and is still very independent and stubborn, and she keeps going and going. I don't know where some people get their stamina from.
I have been walking with the XM MyFi lately. It really makes walking bearable with so many listening options. BUT, sometimes I was losing the signal because I had the attachable antenna clipped onto my hat. I came up with a rather ingenious idea. I plucked a branch from a tree, stripped the leaves and clipped it on top of the branch. It works great, but I look like I'm carrying some kind of Scepter or something...haha Water bottle in one hand, scepter in the other. It's so hot here. I can't imagine living out west where it is really hot. Humidity or not, 113 is damn hot.
I wish I had some steamy stuff like you, Rosie and Hiss. Sadly, I've become quite boring. Such is the mood swing of my life at this time. ANd since I started taking the Effexor.....all I want to do is sleep. Maybe that's it....you aren't depressed because you aren't awake enough to be!
