9:55 p.m. - 2005-07-21
Dr. Jekyl?
Went to the Dr. yesterday. I'm not feeling real confident about her, she seems to grasp at solutions to try without much regard. This time she was trying to determine if I was a candidate for Bariatric (sp?) surgery, checking my BMI. Seems the "band" has had good results. Sorry, not fat enough. Then she suggested the Prozac might be contributing to stubborn weight....and she decided to put me on Effexor. Hey guys, I'm just under the morbidly obese state now....I just quality for regular obesity. Well, that's a relief! I admitted to her that I'd been smoking weed alot more lately and she assured me that was part of my problem. I explained to her that I don't eat when I smoke, quite the opposite...it makes me very very aware of body image. I find more important things to do...like walk, or fuck, or whatever.
So today I took an Effexor. I probably should have given the Prozac a chance to wear off before starting a new script, but she didn't give me instructions and I am a "quick fix" kind of a gal, so I went for it. This afternoon, I noticed that my nose was cold, similar to the way I feel after taking cold medication or that damn Phentermine. I told her the Phentermine made my skin crawl, and made me irritable. I hope the Effexor isn't going to do the same. I read the side effects online and increased blood pressure is one of them. Okay, my blood pressure was borderline again, (130/90) so WHY would she recommend this? I'm a bit puzzled...but with close monitoring, I'll continue with it for now. I need something. I know, I know, with exercise and proper diet (or so TOM says) I could handle my life drug free.....but that's too damn hard. I told her that it was unrealistic for me to expect that I'd ever give up all my favorite foods....food is too much a part of my life. She said "That's ok, I'll increase your Lipitor until we get it where we want it (cholestrol)."
Work has been a relief. I'm subbing at the quiet office. A slower pace, less stress....and an easier drive. Glad it's Friday tomorrow.
Saturday I'm taking the boy out for the day. Lunch and a movie. We need to connect. I'm afraid our relationship will go the route of Daughter #1 and I. That's a constant frustration.
I try to talk to #1 about her newfound freedom and how easy it is to mistake sex for love and to be careful with herself and not let herself be taken advantage of and she just went off on me. I wrote her an email, and said "What I was trying to say was that you are too special for anyone to take you for granted" even if it didn't come out that way. She hasn't talked to me since that conversation. I hate the way things are between us. She's a carbon copy of her dad. Maybe that's the biggest reason we don't get along as well as my clone and I, Daughter #2.
I worry about daughter #2 in that Phoenix heat. I hope she takes good care of herself and her dog. We plan on visiting in October. I can't wait to see her again. We sent her a computer for her birthday. At least then we will be back online and able to speak freely and cheaply.
Better head to bed.
