8:58 p.m. - 2005-07-11
I'm Whining Again
Had to laugh.....after writing about my weakness and return to Prozac I got this link.... www.stopstickers.com and there it was, one with WWCD....What Would Cruise DO?
Nice day, I would guess largely due to the amount of relaxation I got this weekend. Everything flowed. I felt like I was being myself, and enjoying it. Sometimes I feel like I'm just on the edge....just getting through the workday and hoping not to lose it with some customer. No worries today. But no walk. I got out in the rain tonight, with umbrella in hand and diligently tried to go through with it despite the weather. After a HUGE crack of thunder/lightening.....I decided it might not be best to have this umbrella/lightning rod in my hand and whimped back home. It cleared pretty quickly but I was slumped into a most comfortable position watching Antiques Roadshow...(HUGE YAWN) and didn't budge. So I think I'm on my way to bed at 9 p.m. Very sad.
Daughter #2 called yesterday to ask me if I would check out a citronella dog collar on ebay for her. Ok, I was a little baked, but I quickly formed a vision of a dog collar with little citronella spikes on it or something bizarre like that. I'd never heard of citronella in any form except candles. Turns out their obedience class instructor recommended it for their dog's barking problem. Interesting concept....when the dog barks, it emits a light citronella spray which is supposed to be distracting and unusual scent for them while not inhumane. This is a first for me but if it works, I'm sure her neighboring apartment buddies will be happy.
I nearly lost it yesterday while reading daughter #1's comments on www.myspace.com. She's meeting old and new friends there and I wanted to check out a guy she's been talking to, see if he measures up to Mom's standards. Well, I came upon her comments and where it asked about Heroes this is what she said.
My Dad! I'm such a Daddy's girl! :) He worked very hard to give us what we needed and he's always been there for me.
I nearly threw up. I don't recall that scenario. I recall how quickly he remarried, and how quickly he had three more kids who have gotten far more than the first two ever got. I remember the meager $300/month he paid (reluctantly!) and how he did NOTHING much for them other than that. (Think Pencils and school supplies for Christmas) I remember alot that evidently she doesn't. And I also remember that the one who was THERE for them was current Hubby. (they lived three years with Dad, then came back to live with us)he used to work til 2 a.m., then volunteer at school in their class the next day. He was the one who ran them tirelessly to orthodontic appointments, ball practice, coached their teams, consoled them when the limo didn't show up for prom night, came and rescued them after fender-benders. I remember he was the one who played for hours with them on the floor, in the yard, wherever. Much more than I ever did. And he was only 25 when I brought him into their lives. Pretty damn mature for someone of that age. I could go on and on about all the things he's done for them. Daughter #2 sees things clearly and doesn't miss a chance to tell us how much she appreciates everything we did for her. Daughter #1 is a carbon copy of Dad so I shouldn't be surprised. We've never related the same way that I do with the one who is a carbon-copy of me. And there is the unresolved anger that I left her dear old dad. And the two of them. And I don't know if that will ever change for #1, no matter how much I try or want it to.
Just needed to vent.
Moving on....and into bed.
