9:09 p.m. - 2005-06-10
BITCH BITCH BITCH
At long last....this seems more like a chore than the enjoyable task it once was....
It's been 11 long days since I've written. I honestly can't tell you exactly why, except that I have been in the DEPTHS OF HELL. Depressed. I swear, I don't know how much longer I can endure this perimenopause stuff....or is this something else....or is this just because I decided to be heroic and quit taking the Prozac????? I've spit venom at nearly everyone around here. I've also come down with an incredibly horrible cold just before my delightful trip with Gran, next Thursday.
But on the POSITIVE side....my family hasn't deserted me yet.
Daughter #1 called me two nights ago shrieking so bad I couldn't understand anything she was saying. When I finally got her to calm down enough, I realized that it was relationship trouble, or end, I should say. After four years of game playing and other ridiculous behavior, HE was lucky enough to be the first one to find someone else and move on. She was crushed. Not crushed because he was the love of her life, but crushed because he beat her to it AND because she couldn't bear the thought of BEING ALONE. It's hard for me to be sympathetic. I've been down that road a couple times, and remember the awful pain of it all, but also how quickly recovery comes when a new face comes along.
So, tonight, yes TWO days after the crisis began.....she has a date with Mr. Match.com. I'm hoping for the best but of course expecting the worst. I tried to tell her to use this time to get involved in some hobbies, etc....find out who she is....but she is too needy. I'm sure she'll scare the pants (well, hope not....at least not right away) off anyone who comes around with that needy thing shining through.
I'm really working myself up over this trip with Gran. She told mom the other day that she wished that she and my aunt could have taken this trip...(what am I, chopped liver?) but my Aunt is too busy minding all the wolves in her mobile home. "I can't leave the dogs, mother....you know that!" She's just waiting for the will to be read, salivating over the possibility that there might be something for her...only visits when there's an offer of some cast off furniture or something. Mom had Gran tag along when she had a Dr. appointment the other day and Gran spent the whole drive over telling her how miserable her childhood was, how her husband never let her do anything or wanted to go anywhere, blah blah blah. Mom said she wanted to say "Daddy has been dead for 10 years, you could have been kicking up your heels now!" but she didn't. I pray that those damn flowers are blooming and we don't get the non-stop rain the forcast is calling for when we are there or I might be captive to her whining spells as well. For as long as I can stand it, that is....or else the trip to NC might end up to be the demise of her yet. Those hillsides are awfully steep.....
Sorry to be so negative and hateful. It's where I'm at right now.
